Sit At Computer Comic Strips - Page 37

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View 361 - 370 results for sit at computer comic strips. Discover the best "Sit At Computer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags perfromance evaluation, 3% raise, earn a billion, steals as much

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dna, feed her, human genome, human simulations, invented, mapped and decoded, market application, on computer watch, punish her, samples, software, software simulation, engineering

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Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chatter non stop, every woman, no male traits, galk

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Ming says to Dilbert as they sit together at a table, "Do you mind if I chatter nonstop about people you don't know?" Dilbert answers, "No." Dilbert then asks Ming, "Do you mind if I gawk at every woman who walks by?" Ming answers, "Yes." Ming says to Dilbert, "In fact, I would appreciate it if you displayed no male traits whatsoever." Dilbert responds, "Can do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags no click shopping, patent, whiners, ship books

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Dogbert holds a clipboard and approaches Dilbert at his computer. Dogbert says, "My patent for no-click shopping was granted." Dogbert continues, "I'm sure some whiners will say it's an obvious idea." Dogbert turns to Dilbert and says, "You'd better click something or I'll have to ship you some books."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags generic self help, consultant, keep a journal, lead by example, business

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Dogbert says to Dilbert as they sit together at the kitchen table, "I've decided to become a generic self-help consultant." Dogbert continues, "I'll tell people to keep a journal of all their thoughts. Then I'll bill them." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How would that help anyone?" Dogbert replies, "I lead by example, my friend."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cep, obscenely wealthy, guest house, build house, speech writer, workers, made him rich, bragging, condescending, truth

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Ed stands at the podium and says, "As CEO, I thank you for making me obscenely wealthy." Alice, Wally and Dilbert continue to sit and listen. Ed goes on to say, "Yesterday, I built a guest house using bundles of cash as bricks." Ed looks down at his paper, thinking "I need a new speech writer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags demons possessed, view websites, unspeakable abominations, approve the purchase

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Wally says to the Boss, "Demons have possessed my PC. They force me to view websites of unspeakable abominations." Wally continues, "The only solution is for you to approve the purchase of a new PC for me." Dilbert approaches Wally, now sitting at his computer and asks, "How are the unspeakable abominations today?" Wally replies, "Much faster."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social misfits, keep him away, normal people, engineering liason

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Dilbert sits at his computer working. The Boss approaches with a new employee. The Boss says to the new employee, "Dilbert is one of our social misfits." The Boss says to the new employee, "Your job is to keep him away from normal people." Dilbert, still facing his computer is obviously annoyed by what he is hearing. Unable to keep quiet, Dilbert yells without turning around, "Hello! I'm right here!" The Boss and the new employee unaffected by Dilbert's outburst, continue their conversation. The Boss says to the new employee, "Your title will be Engineering Liason."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company saidst, fist of death, note from author, big bag, dumpster, disclaimer, nothing bad happened

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Extremely angry, Alice approaches the sadist who sits at his computer. She rolls up her sleeves and says, "Okay,sadist, it's time to meet the fist of death. A note from the author forewarns his readers that nothing bad or violent happens to the sadist. The author's note reads: If you are the sort of person who is influenced by comic strips, I assure you nothing bad or violent happens next. Alice and the sadist discuss their differences and become lifelong friends. As Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit together eating lunch, Dilbert asks Alice "What was in that big bag I helped you drag to the dumpster?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags self paced, online training, sharpen my saw, subject, don't know subject, confusing

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit together at a table. Wally says to the Boss, "I've been taking a self-paced online training course to sharpen my saw". The Boss replies, "What's the subject?" Wally answers, "I don't know." Frustrated with Wally's response, the Boss throws both arms in the air and yells, "How could you not know?" Wally answers, "What part of self-paced is confusing you?"