Ted Comic Strips - Page 37

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

448 Results for Ted

View 361 - 370 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fields of heather, flying dreams, important change, soon increase, somebody else, new ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

In a dream, Dilbert flies through the sky. He thinks, "In my dream I float over fields of heather." Below him a girl waves and says, "Hi! I'm Heather." Dilbert thinks, "The flying dream always predicts an important change. I feel that my freedom will soon increase." Dilbert wakes up in a meeting as the Boss asks, "Does somebody else have a question for our new CEO?" Dilbert's arms are out-streched and his finger is stuck in the CEO's ear. Dilbert thinks, "My finger is stuck."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sign, business case, web server, crosses all deaportments, every director, evp, ted griffin, half eagle, half lion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks the Boss, "Who needs to sign my business case to buy a web server?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . This crosses all departments. I fear it. Get the approval of every director, every VP, every EVP, plus Griffin." As Dilbert walks away he asks, "Do you mean Ted Griffin in finance or the mythical griffin beast that's half eagle, half lion?" The Boss answers, "Whichever is harder."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thought leaders, whats worng, no thoughts, cloud, no ideas, blank head bos

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and another worker sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, the managers at my level will be called 'thought leaders.'" Dilbert and Wally stare at him in amazement. Dilbert asks Wally, "What's wrong with this picture?" The Boss's thoughts are shown to be empty.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags singular achievement award, we are teams, check, campiagn, one thousand dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands a check to Ted while Wally, Dilbert and Alice watch. The Boss says, "And Ted gets this 'Singular Achievement' award for creating the 'We Are Teams' campaign." The Boss continues, "It's a check for a thousand dollars! Let's all give Ted a hand." Ted walks by holding the check and Wally, Alice and Dilbert look angry. As Wally, Alice and Dilbert hit and slap Ted the Boss thinks, "These things never work the way you want them to."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excellence in teaming, nearly ready, complete buy in, make decsions, squirrel migration patterns

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and another worker sit at a conference table. The worker says, "I'm happy to report that the 'Excellence in Teaming' read-out is nearly ready." The worker continues, "It's taken forty people from a dozen departments to complete the study. We finally got complete buy-in." Dilbert asks, "Is that the study of why we can't make decisions?" The worker responds, "Originally. But it evolved into more of a discussion of squirrel migration patterns."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags contribution to revenue, project would fail, attributed, same project, equally valuable

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another worker sit at a conference table. The Boss holds a document and says, "You should all follow Wally's example of how he quantifies his contribution to revenue." Wally explains, "Basically, I assumed my project would fail without me. Therefore all the revenue it generates can be attributed to me." The other worker asks, "Aren't we all on the same project?" Wally answers, "Yes, but evidently we're not all equally valuable."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags make a suggestion, idea rat, multi disciplinary forces, processes

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Ratbert and Ted sit at a conference table. Ratbert asks, "Excuse me . . . I'm only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Ratbert says, "Let's form multidisciplinary task forces to reengineer our core processes until we're a world class organization!" The Boss says, "Sounds good. Go do it." Ratbert says, "I'm more of an idea rat."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags iso 9000 project, hand picked, manger, project

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a desk and says, "Thank you for coming to the 'ISO 9000' project kick-off meeting." Dilbert continues, "Each of you was hand-picked by your manager for this project because . . ." Dilbert faces a table of strange people and says, "Well . . . never mind why."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags restaurant trip, distractions, people disperse, alice bathroom, wally calls, ted mail letters, eat dinner

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells Alice and Wally, "We're waiting for Ted, then we can head for the restaurant." Wally says, "While we're waiting, I'll return a few phone calls." Ted walks up and says, "Let's go! Hey, where's Wally?" Dilbert thinks, "The chain reaction has begun." Dilbert covers his eyes and thinks, "Why can't we do this simple thing?" Alice says, "I'll be in the ladies' room." Wally asks, "Where's Alice?" Ted says, "I've got to mail a letter. I'll take my car and meet you there." Wally thinks, "I can make some calls." Dilbert yells at Ted, "You're the only one who knows which restaurant we're going to!" Ted replies, "Alice knows where it is. Tell her it's the one with the food." The Boss asks Dilbert, "Has your team finished engineering the new missile guidance chip?" Dilbert replies, "I think it's time to give peace a chance."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags flicking fingers, joyous celebration, linked to pay, success sounds like, snappy sounds

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Alice and Wally stand in Ted's cubicle flicking their fingers. Dilbert says, "Look, Ted! We get paid the same as you but all we're doing is standing around and flicking our fingers." Dilbert continues, "Come join us and flick your fingers in joyous celebration that our performance is not linked to our pay." The Boss sits at his desk listening to the flicking and thinks, "I don't know what success sounds like, but I'll bet this isn't it."