2021 Comic Strips - Page 37

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Dna Says Wally Will Steal

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Dna Says Wally Will Steal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, psychology, dna, steal, office supplies, junk, science, experts, listen

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Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.

Loser Dna

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Loser Dna  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, performance, review, dna, lying, test, impossible

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catbird: from now on, your performance reviews will be based on your dna alone. your boss can't tell when you are lying about you accomplishments, but a simple test can tell me if you have loser dna. dilbert: i don't believe that is possible. catbird: that response is how i know you have it your test is done.

Increasing Training Budget

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Increasing Training Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, budget, training, research & development, company, bankrupt

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boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.

Audit Blackmail

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Audit Blackmail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, business, audit, software, blackmail, free, network, money, dollars

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dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.

Cock Fights

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Cock Fights - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, audit, disturbing, results, sales, department, cockfight, invitation, rooster

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dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.