Engineering Staff Comic Strips - Page 37
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Boss: The crew of our first spaceship suffocated on the launchpad. Apparently, I got an email last week asking for approval to repair the oxygen generator. Carol: You killed them with your incompetence? Boss: I can't take all the credit. It was a team effort.
Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.
Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.
Dilbert: Are you coming to the standup meeting? Wally: Is it okay if I sit instead? Dilbert: No, that would ruin the software. Dilbert: Did that make sense when I said it? Wally: No, and it isn't aging well either.
Tina: How long would it take to add that feature to the legacy system? Wally: That depends. When will the new system replace the legacy system? Tina: In six months. Wally: The new feature would take seven months.
Wally: Nothing is going right today. My phone charger is too hot, and my coffee is too cold. Dilbert: Did you just invent a phone charger that keeps your coffee warm? Wally: Did I? Dilbert: I'll have a prototype for you tomorrow. Narrator: Continued...
Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.
Man: Who are you? Dilbert: I'm an engineer on an unfunded project. I'm attending random meetings to see if I can shake loose some spare budget money. Man: We'll be talking about the mandatory software upgrade. Dilbert: Sounds like a huge waste of money.