Search Results for "evil and lazy"

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For The Good Of The Country

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For The Good Of The Country - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #apple, #iphone, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #encryption

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Boss: The government wants us to make software to crack our own encryption. Dilbert: That sounds evil. Boss: It's for the good of the country. Dilbert: Can I test it on your phone? Boss: You'd have to kill me first. Dilbert: That would be two good things for the country.

Dilbert Is Antisocial

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Dilbert Is Antisocial - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #antisocial, #misanthropy, #introvert, #communication, #relationships

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: People are complaining that you're antisocial. Dilbert: I only dislike the people I get to know. Catbert: Then why do you get to know them? Dilbert: It happens by accident when they talk.

The Entitled Employee

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The Entitled Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #millennials, #entitlement, #entitiled, #lazy, #work ethic

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The Entitled Employee. Dilbert: Did you finish your assignment for the project? Coworker: No, I was tired, and it looked hard. I assume someone does the hard stuff for me. Am I wrong? Dilbert: I need to have a word with your parents.

Entitled Employee Buys A Car

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Entitled Employee Buys A Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #entitled, #entitlement, #millennials, #work ethic, #lazy, #consumerism

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The Entitled Employee. Man: I need a raise because I bought a luxury car. Boss: Your pay is based on your performance, not your personal expenses. Man: You leave me no choice but to keep the car and not pay for it. Boss: Tell them you deserve it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

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Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #app, #developer, #workload, #ideas, #obliviousness, #unrealistic, #goals

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Tina: I have a great idea for an app. And I choose you to be on my start-up team. I'll be the idea person and you do all of the technology. Dilbert: So... I would be doing 100 percent of the work? Tina: I already did the hard part of coming up with an idea. Your part is just typing. So stop complaining and type me an app. Dilbert: It isn't that easy. Tina: Can you recommend someone less lazy?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

Followship Training

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Followship Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #following, #lazy, #work ethic, #motivation

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Boss: I'm too busy to take a leaders hip class, so I'm sending all of you to a followship class. Dilbert: Is that so we can learn how to follow someone who never learned to lead? Boss: That sounds like a good question for your followship teacher.

Wanting More Out Of Life

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Wanting More Out Of Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #laziness, #wisdom, #ambition

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Asok: Do you ever want more out of life? Wally: That's how losers think. If you always want more, you can never be happy with what you have. Asok: I can't tell if you're wise or lazy. Wally: I know. It took me years to find that sweet spot.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #certification, #listening, #corporations, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.