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Character
Friday January 27,
2012
Tags benefits of personhood, chemical nutrients, death & dying, inventions, petri dish, robot, scientific equipment, skin cells, sneezes, science
Transcript
Wally: Before I die, I plan to put some of my skin cells in a petri dish with chemical nutrients and store it inside a robot. By law, I will still be alive as long as any part of my body is functioning. My robot will enjoy the full benefits of personhood. My robot and I will live forever! Dilbert: Until it sneezes you out.
Saturday January 28,
2012
Tags absent mindedness, machinery, build robots, wait a week, forgets
Transcript
CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.
Monday January 30,
2012
Tags complaining, conversation, ask ed, dumb guy, liar, bad breath, braggaty, large pores, combover, describe me, behind my back, insecure guy, steers conversation
Transcript
Alice: You should ask Ed about this. Carol: Is Ed the dumb guy who talks too much or the liar with the bad breath? Alice: He's the braggart with large pores and a combover. Dilbert: Wow. How do you describe me behind my back? Carol: You're the insecure guy who steers the conversation to himself.
Tuesday January 31,
2012
Tags computers & peripherals, inventions, computers, program themsleves, machine intelligence, destroy civilization, plan a, live unhealthy, lifestyle, plan b, techno terrorism
Transcript
Dilbert: In a few years, computers will program themselves. That's called singularity. From that point on, machine intelligence will increase exponentially. The resulting shock will probably destroy the fabric of civilization. Plan "A" is to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Plan "B" is techno-terrorism. Boss: I like the first one.
Wednesday February 01,
2012
Tags employees, frustration, magic, oogah-boogah, folder, assignment, boss request, attutude, business
Transcript
Boss: Alice, can you take care of this by close of business today? Alice: Oogah-boogah! Work be done! Let's hope magic is real! Boss: We need to talk about your attitude.
Thursday February 02,
2012
Tags automobile travel, automobiles (cars), weather, zero degrees, icy roads, coffee, traffic, guradrail, 3 hours late
Transcript
Boss: You're just now getting here? Wally: It's zero degrees and the roads are all ice. I drank six cups of coffee before leaving the house and sat in traffic for two hours. Boss: You're three hours late. Wally: I spent the last hour stuck to a guardrail.
Friday February 03,
2012
Tags business ethics, debt, future generations, power to lazy, bathroom mirror
Transcript
Wally: I say we throw future generations under the bus and do as little work as possible until we die. Power to the lazy! That sounded more awesome when I practiced it in the bathroom mirror this morning.
Saturday February 04,
2012
Tags engineers, diagram, problem solver.brillinat, sarcasm, ignornace, underrated, design
Transcript
Co-worker: I'm not trained as an engineer, but I think this diagram might solve your problem. Alice: Ooh! This is brilliant! It's hard to believe you have no qualifications whatsoever! Co-worker: Is that sarcasm? Alice: Ignorance is underrated.
Monday February 06,
2012
Tags monsters, office equipment, email servers, ancestral hime, reduce expenses, data vampires, exagerration, fiber optic
Transcript
I.T. person: I moved our email servers to my ancestral home of Transylbonia to reduce expenses. You might have heard rumors that all Transylbonians are data vampires, but I assure you it's an exaggeration. There's this one guy, Doug..." Transylbonian: Dude! It's fiber-optic! Doug: It's really not my thing.
Tuesday February 07,
2012
Tags computers & peripherals, office equipment, email servers, inbox, vowels only, complain, loudest, complain to boss
Transcript
Dilbert: Ever since you moved our email servers to Transylbonia, my inbox has nothing but vowels. I.T. person: We I.T. people only respond to whoever complains loudest. You should complain to your bosss. Dilbert: I will! Boss' Computer: A ui aoe uie ou eai!


