Search Results for "many problems"
Share July 23, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: Do you have plans for the weekend? Asok: No, I"m an introvert. I'll probably experience despair and loneliness while being jealous of people who have substance abuse problems. Dilbert: Yeah, me too. Asok: This conversation is dragging on too long.
Share August 20, 2016's comic on:
Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.
Share August 25, 2016's comic on:
Dogbert: My particle accelerator has discovered a new fundamental particle that I call "Dogbertium." It's properties are awesomeness and mystery. One of the mysteries is that it only exists when people don't ask too many questions.
Share August 28, 2016's comic on:
Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.
Share September 03, 2016's comic on:
Alice: Why didn't you tell me about this sooner? Dilbert: That's a fool's game because Zeno's Paradox says there will always be a time sooner than the one I pick. Alice's Paradox says that no matter how many criticisms you explain away, there are always plenty more.
Share September 08, 2016's comic on:
Boss: You need to get your capital budget approved by all of the department heads. We're in the middle of a reorg, so get approval from both the outgoing and the incoming managers. Dilbert: Someday I hope to solve a problem that is not caused by leadership. Boss: You'll never get that far.
Share September 09, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.
Share November 11, 2016's comic on:
Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.
Share December 05, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.
Share February 05, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.