Computer Programmers Comic Strips - Page 38

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View 371 - 380 results for computer programmers comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Programmers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags newest hore, team member, headless suit, meetings, never fire, bad decsion, head is in jar

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The Boss stands with his arm around a headless man. Alice sits at her computer. The Boss says, "Alice, meet the newest member of our team." The Boss says, "I hired him myself. That means I can never fire him; it would look like I made a bad decision." The Boss says, "Microsoft hired his head. It's in a jar in Redmond." Alice says, "And we got the part that goes to meetings."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags non employee certification, messenger, secretary, receptionist, carol, Dilbert, process raise

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Dilbert sits at his computer. Carol hands him a piece of paper. Carol says, "You need to sign the non-employee certification form before I process your raise." Dilbert looks at the form. Dilbert says, "But this would be a lie. I'm not a non-employee." Carol says, "I'm only the messenger." Dilbert says, "Where did this come from?" Carol says, "The file cabinet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags teach morons, high level jobs, addicted to wagging, ear clokwise, tongue in

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Dogbert stands on Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I'm going to teach morons how o get high-level jobs." Dilbert says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "I'm addicted to wagging." Dogbert's tail wags. Dilbert says, "Carry on." Dogbert stands in front of three messy men with vacant eyes. They all have their tongues out. Dogbert says, "Now turn your ear clockwise to get your tongue back in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chief financial offcier, one sentence descriptions, projects, critical budget deciosns, semi colons

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Caption: "Chief Financial Officer" The moron sits between Dilbert and the Boss. The moron says, "I need one-sentence descriptions of each of your projects." Dilbert says, "You're planning to make critical budget decisions based on THAT? " The Moron says, "Yes." Wally stands behind Dilbert who sits at his computer. Wally says, "Wow. Five pages without using a period." Dilbert says, "Thank God for semi-colons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, recipient, of stone of quality, motivational rock, says thanks, costs engraved, knocks out boss, police arrive, find rock

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Alice sits at the computer. The Boss hands her a rock. The boss says, "Alice, you're the first recipient of the motivational "stone of quality"." The boss says, "It cost a thousand dollars to have it engraved. It's my way of saying "thanks"." The boss lies on the floor with a large bump on his head. Two cops lean over him. Alice peers around the corner. One of the cops, "There's no weapon, but I found this cool motivational rock."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sabotaged, global conspiracy, plant misspelled work, spell checker, webster

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Tina the tech writer sits at her computer. Tina says, "What the...? I've been sabotaged!" Tina stands with her arms crossed behind Wally. Wally says, "No, I'm not part of a global conspiracy to plant a misspelled word in your "spell checker". Tina holds an open dictionary. Tina says, "GASP! They got to Webster too!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags report shows raise, raises cancelled, pretend to work, Dilbert

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Carol hands Dilbert a piece of paper. Carol says, "This report shows how much your raise would be if raises hadn't been canceled." Dilbert says, "Wow! My imaginary life is soing great!" Dilber looks at his computer. Dilbert thinks, "Now back to pretending to work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asok dsitraught, can't do work, no response, emails voice mails, pathetic defeated losers, Wally

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Asok leans on Wally's desk. Wally sits at his computer. Asok says, "No one returns my phone calls.... no reads the e-mail I send." Asok says, "I find myself hanging around with other pathetic, defeated losers." Asok says, "No offense." Wally says, "None taken."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss with spreadsheet, increase page number, exhausted

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Wally and Dilbert look in on the Boss who is working on his computer. Wally says, "Nothing is more dangerous than a boss with a spreadsheet." The boss types. The Boss thinks, "If I increase the page number, our sales go up. I'm onto something." Dilbert, The Boss and Wally sit in a meeting. The Boss says, "On page 843 the sale would be higher, but I was exausted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags calls friends, erases disc drives, fix the bugs, glitter, network, premier software, six months, software, quickprotect, swears at you, engineering

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Dilbert, Wally and a woman from marketing sit at a conference table. The woman sits in front of a computer and says, "It's time for marketing to put the glitter on this software you've created." She continues, "With my guidance this will become the premier data backup software!" Wally says, "Bear in mind that we said it would take six months to write it." Dilbert says, "You only gave us a month." The woman says, "We'll fix the bugs in the next release. Tell me about the features." Wally says, "At this point, all it does is erase your disk drive." Dilbert adds, "Unless you're on a network." The woman asks, "What happens if you're on a network?" Wally replies, "It erases everybody's disk drives." Wally continues, "And heaven help you if you have a modem . . ." Dilbert says, "It calls all your friends and erases their PCs." The woman says, "We'll call it 'QuikProtect.'" Dilbert adds, "If you have a sound card it swears at you."