Crazy Talk Comic Strips - Page 38

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439 Results for Crazy Talk

View 371 - 380 results for crazy talk comic strips. Discover the best "Crazy Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Has A Doctor's Note

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Wally Has A Doctor's Note - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sleep, boredom, meeting, laziness, narcolepsy, health, business

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Wally: Here's a doctor's note saying I have a chronic case of meeting narcolepsy. Boss: Sit down. We need to talk about this. Wally: ZZZZZZ.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

75 Slides Too Long

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75 Slides Too Long - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags public speaking, presentation, length, brevity, powerpoint

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Asok: I have 75 slides to discuss in ten minutes. Save your questions to the end. CEO: Sit down and never talk to me again as long as you live. Dilbert: How'd the CEO presentation go? Asok: It was 75 slides too long.

Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy

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Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reality, virtual reality, vr, sanity, hallucination, fantasy, imagination, therapy, psychology

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Dilbert: We hired an immersive VR employee and it's freaking me out. I can only see him when I wear my VR goggles. I feel as if he's always watching me. Doctor: Sounds like you're crazy. I can fix that with a prescription cocktail that will turn you into an entirely new person. Kevin: Run.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, certification, listening, corporations, business

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Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rumor, conjecture, karma, payback

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Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?

Wally Uses Phone When Troll Does

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Wally Uses Phone When Troll Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags troll, trolling, handle, busted, caught

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Boss: I've noticed that whenever I get a tweet from an anonymous troll, you're using your phone. Wally: That sounds like confirmation bias. Boss: His user name is coffeesixhairs. Wally: Now you just sound crazy.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, accomplishment, narcissist, narcissism, review, firing, excuse

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Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.

Wally Is Late For Meetings

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Wally Is Late For Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, tardy, tardiness, late, time

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Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hazmat suit, harrass, wear suit, harrasment, offcie, prevention, dressed up, human resources, inappropriate delivery, business

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The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to wear this harazzmat suit when you meet with Tina. Tina will also be wearing a harazmatt suit. The suits will prevent you from trying to harass each other. You won't be able to speak directly. A radio inside the suit will transmit your words to our human resources department. Human resources will scrub your sentences of any inappropriate content before delivery. Dilbert: Doyon wear a harrazzmat suit when you talk to Tina privately? The Boss: No, but she wears three of them.

Anger Issues

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Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger issues, listen to crazy people, mental problems, work weekend, crazy people

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.