Lower Pay Comic Strips - Page 38
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the boss: i'm looking for nominations for employee of the year. the boss: does anyone have a suggestion? dilbert: hypothetically, would the winner of this award be likely to get a larger-than-normal pay raise? the boss: i would think so, yes. dilbert: and is it true that our budget for raises is limited? the boss: yes, of course. dilbert: would it not be against my best interests to nominate an employee who is competing with me for scarce resources? the boss: let's just forget i brought it up. dilbert: i nominate myself.
the boss: i'm hearing that you are abusing your service human. the boss: i don't think you pay him enough for that. service human: wait. i'm suppose to get paid for this??? dogbert: great. now you've ruined him!
dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!
dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.
Dogbert: We need to do something about our employees being homeless. Housing costs are too high around here. Boss: Maybe we could pay them more. Dogbert: I was thinking more along the lines of pretending to be concerned. Boss: I like where you're going with this.
Boss: It has come to my attention that our company pays men more than women. I have been asked to correct that situation. Dilbert: You're going to cut the pay of the men, right? Boss: No, no, no. I'm only going to ask you to identify as a woman.
Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company. Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked? Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance. Dilbert: That's the same thing! Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain. Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either? Boss: Now you've made it awkward.
dilbert: can i take this database class? boss: no, that's a slippery slope. if i approve that class, next you will demand i pay for cosmetic surgery. dilbert: do i look like i need it? boss: only in two places - your face and your body