Catbert Comic Strips - Page 38
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655 Results for Catbert
View 371 - 380 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday April 25,
2005
Tags evil director, expect raises, bad ratings, reflect poorly, ability to motivate, useless people, feel bad
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."
Saturday March 12,
2005
Tags dont worry, high crime area, experts assure you, gange members, exhautsed, beat up
Transcript
CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."
Sunday March 06,
2005
Tags Catbert, evil director, human resources, assistant manager, simialr, slightly worse, wouldn't be threat, data base, both hideous, criminally insane, hate cats, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I need to hire an assistant manager." "I want someone similar to me, but slightly worse in every way." "Worse than you??" "Yes, but only slightly." "The ideal candidate wouldn't be a threat to replace me." "I'll check my database of applicants who are both hideous and criminally insane." "I said slightly worse." "Exactly. I found one." "I can pretend to read in five languages." "I hate cats."
Friday February 04,
2005
Tags human resources, change name, workplace, evil enough, evil laugh, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I might change my department's name." "To "Workplace Services." BU-WHA-HA-HA-HA!!" "When things don't sound evil enough on their own, I like to toss in a bu-wha-ha-ha-ha."
Monday January 31,
2005
Tags eating at desk, furry log, stealing from company
Transcript
CatBert: "Eating at your desk is like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice: "I'm working through my lunch hour, you furry log." Catbert: "Furry log?" Alice: "It's a term of endearment."
Saturday January 01,
2005
Tags evil director, himan resources, downsized, free dvd, live off land, shoplifting, running fast
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."
Friday December 24,
2004
Tags marketing needs volunteers, ads stimulate, people brains, cat scan, see coming
Transcript
"Marketing needs volunteers for a study about how our ads stimulate people's brains." "Who among us would like to get a cat scan?" "Okay, seriously, who didn't see this coming?"
Saturday December 11,
2004
Tags knowledge is power, crush you
Transcript
Remember: Knowledge is power. "So never tell people anything because they might use it to crush you." "Do you understand?" "I'm not saying."
Thursday December 02,
2004
Tags financial troll, demands lower prices, shopping, walgetco
Transcript
Financial troll: "Every time we cut costs, our distributor, Walgetco, takes the gain by demanding lower prices." The Boss: "Thank you for shopping at Walgetco! Have a nice day!" Financial Troll "Maybe it's too late." The boss: "Troll accessories are on aisle six!"
Monday November 29,
2004
Tags main prodcut, coming off patent, profits will plunge, shallowm, paid for there inventions
Transcript
Our main product is coming off patent. "Profits will plunge and so will my bonus. It's not fair." "Call me shallow. But I enjoy getting paid for other people's inventions." "SHALLOW!"

