How To Comic Strips - Page 38

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View 371 - 380 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time, freedom, free will, schedule, work load, stress, free time, breaks, lunch

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Boss: Schedule your training during your lunch hours so it doesn't impact your projects. Dilbert: But... my lunch hour is the only freedom I experience in a typical day. The rest of my time is either scheduled to the minute or driven by whatever crisis is happening. Please don't take my lunch hour and reduce me to nothing but a prisoner in a digital chain gang. I'm barely clinging to my illusion of free will as it is. This could push me over the edge. If you take away my one hour of freedom in the day, I might as well be a robot. Boss: Relax. This is temporary. Dilbert: For how long? Boss: Until I can replace you with a robot.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags communication, managers, training, obstacle, laziness

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Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.

How To Send The File

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How To Send The File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brenna thummler, cloud, files, guest artist, options, sharing, technology

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Ted: Can you send me the file? Dilbert: Do you want it by email, Dropbox, Google Drive, iCloud Drive, Airdrop, or Creative Cloud? Ted: Surprise me. Dilbert: The surprise will be if you find it.

The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura

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The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags horoscope, Astrology, prediction, fortune, nonsense

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Carol: Ooh. Bad news on your horoscope today. Your moon is intersecting with the feng shui of your aura. Boss: How long do I have? Carol: You'll be dead by noon. Boss: I meant until my next meeting.

Duplicating Effort

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Duplicating Effort - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, productivity, absent mindedness, forgetful, duplicate

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Boss: Great update, Ted. Now let's hear what Dilbert did this week. Dilbert: I unnecessarily duplicated Ted's work because you forgot you asked bot of us to do the same task. Boss: And how about Alice? Alice: You're three for three.

Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief

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Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags identity theft, impostor, insult, investment, money, stealing, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: An identity thief stole my identity and opened a brokerage account. Dilbert: How did they know he was an impostor? Did he make a smart investment? Boss: That isn't funny. Wally: Did the impostor have a sense of humor?

Dogbert's Class Learns Nothing

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Dogbert's Class Learns Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, strategy, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: The employees who took your class on negotiating are complaining that they learned nothing. Dogbert: I heart those same employees scheming to vandalize your network. Boss: Now that's all I can think about! How did you do that? Dogbert: Gotta go.

Boss Is Bad Negotiator

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Boss Is Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags haggle, money, negotation, negotiating, raise, salary, trick, eric scott

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Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insult, offense, engineer, programmer, coding, anger, technology, engineering

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Man: How's the software coming? Alice: Still waiting for you to give me the specs so I can start. Man: I already told you it's a cloud app that does data. Hey, I can't do your job for you. You have to meet me halfway. Aren't you supposed to be "agile?" I mean, how hard is it to rearrange zeroes and ones all day? Should I ask again tomorrow? Alice: Sure, if you're alive.