New Employee Comic Strips - Page 38
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 371 - 380 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 19,
2014
Tags gods, language, elbonian language, bixtappa, deity, mud adder, strangle
Transcript
Boss: We discovered that our product name is an insult in the Elbonian language. So I hired an Elbonian to review our new choices. Elbonian: Gaaa!!! You have offended Bixtappa, the deity of unseasonably warm weather and twice-baked potatoes. Our tradition says I must now strangle you with a mud adder. Luckily, I brought one. Dilbert: Do Elbonians have a lot of deities? Elbonian: No, just the one. Dilbert: He seems easily offended. Elbonian: Grab the head and yank!
Tuesday January 14,
2014
Tags embarrassment, inventions, good news, fuel source, organic waste material, awkward
Transcript
Dilbert: the good news is that we're going to test a new furl source for you. The bad news is that the fun source is organic waste material. Irs awkward for me too. Just close your eyes , ok?
Sunday January 05,
2014
Tags happiness, new philosophy, live for today, motto, avoid starving tomorrow, ruin every minute, living in past, gustave, traded beaver pelts, psychology
Transcript
Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.
Thursday December 19,
2013
Tags executives, rich people, wages, ceo lifestyle, yacht, penthouse, estate, priceless art, million dollar watch, money
Transcript
Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.
Wednesday December 18,
2013
Tags avarice, Family, personal items, cubilces, photos of kids
Transcript
Boss: Is that a picture of your kids? No personal items are allowed in cubicles! Employee: It's not personal. My kids are only in it for the money. Boss: It's more of a gray are than you'd think.
Sunday December 15,
2013
Tags cosmetics, relations between the sexes, awful smell, new fragrance, pepper spray, half gym sock, dual purpose, odiferous moat, weaker applicants, tweak
Transcript
Dilbert: What's that awful smell? Wally: My new fragrance. It's half pepper spray and half gym sock. It has a dual purpose. The pepper spray is so I can build up an immunity to it. Dilbert: That'll probably come in handy someday. Wally: Right? The second purpose is to crate an odiferous moat around me to discourage the weaker romantic applicants. Carol: Unh!!! Wally: I might need to tweak the formula.
Thursday November 14,
2013
Tags alcoholic beverages, executive retreat, executives, lower prices, price war, prices, profit margin, strategy
Transcript
Boss: Our new strategy is to lower our prices to increase sales. Dilbert: So our strategy is to start a price war and drive our profit margin to zero? Boss: It made sense at the executive retreat. Alice: Was alcohol involved?
Wednesday October 23,
2013
Tags engineers, vacations, work ethic, unlimited vacation policy, 200 days off, double productivity, no way to measure
Transcript
Wally: I'm planning to take advantage of our new unlimited vacation policy. I'll be gone for two hundred days in the coming year. And I guarantee I will still double my productivity compared to the prior year. Boss: There's no way to measure productivity for engineers. Wally: Good to know.
Friday October 18,
2013
Tags facial expression, fear, scare away the weak, too busy, too talk, i said no
Transcript
Alice: I'm working on a new facial expression to scare away the weak. Want to see it? Dilbert: No. Gaaa!!! Alice: That one means I'm too busy to talk. Dilbert: I said no! I said no! I said no!
Saturday October 12,
2013
Tags internet & world wide web, inventions, google search engine, existing prodcuts, crushing dreams, new invention
Transcript
Dilbert: Behold my new invention, the likes of which the world has never seen. Dogbert: Behold my Google search engine that will find several existing products that do whatever that thing does. Dilbert: Please don't. Dogbert: Google: crushing dreams since 1998. click click click


