Best Comedy So Far Comic Strips - Page 38

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

407 Results for Best Comedy So Far

View 371 - 380 results for best comedy so far comic strips. Discover the best "Best Comedy So Far" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #accomplishment, #narcissist, #narcissism, #review, #firing, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Money Can't Buy Happiness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Two Hour Summary

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Two Hour Summary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.

Elbonian Interference With Ads

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Interference With Ads - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #troll, #social media, #damage, #marketing, #bot, #nonsense, #business, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our competitors hired an Elbonian troll farm to ruin our brand on social media. Their most viral ad against us so far says, "How ice cream they bicycle art!" Boss: How many views did it get? Dilbert: Seven, including this one.

Brains In A River

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Wally Teaches Success

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Teaches Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #success, #luck, #money, #winning, #mentor, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Can you mentor me on how to be successful? Wally: Your best strategy is a combination of lying and being related to rich people. Asok: What is the second-best strategy? Wally: Crime is second. Winning a lottery is third.

Dogbert Sells Life Advice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!

Reincarnation Advice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.