Director Special Projects Comic Strips - Page 38

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

461 Results for Director Special Projects

View 371 - 380 results for director special projects comic strips. Discover the best "Director Special Projects" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director of human resources, #payroll expenses low, #bad reviews, #employees, #defects, #list, #faults, #alphabetical, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #control men, #plan, #exaggerate, #overwork, #overextend, #yell, #important, #panic, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "I learned to control men by exaggerating the importance of my projects and overextending myself." Alice says, "Our most important customer is coming and I won't be ready on time unless you fetch me some coffee!" Alice says, "In phase two, I make you enjoy it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #dig grave, #shovel, #death, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I need you to work on a highly confidential project." The Boss says, "When you're done, I want you to dig your own shallow grave and beat yourself to death with the shovel." Dilbert says, "Why does it feel as if my entire career has been preparation for this project?" The Boss says, "You're welcome."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #idiot, #question, #placebo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I need answers to these questions for a confidential project. I can't tell you more." Coworker says, "I'm a complete idiot and even I can deduce from your questions what the project must be." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, so some of you idiots are getting placebo questions." Coworker says, "Well played."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company lawyer, #recall, #poisonous spines, #shake hands, #quality assurance, #arms out

View Transcript

Transcript

Company Lawyer Lawyer says, "We should consider doing a recall on our product." Lawyer says, "When it warms up, it explodes and hurls poisonous spines in every direction." The Boss says, "Where's the director of quality assurance?" Lawyer says, "Pinned to the test lab ceiling."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #murder, #refusal, #reprimand

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "your boss says you refuse to do your job." Dilbert says, "he told me to kill a customer, assume her identity, and place a huge order with the company." Catbert says, "I'll transfer your to the collections department until you're willing to kill."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worker, #deception, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new director of marketecture." The boss says, "He's in charge of preventing customers from realizing what they're buying." the boss says, "It's legal because we're only violating the intent of the law." man says, "I can do a thousand push-ups when no one is looking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #presentation, #misdirection, #confused, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Director of Marketecture Director of Marketecture says, "It is better to seem good than to be good." Being Good (overrated) Director of Marketecture says, "A misleading benchmark test can accomplish in minutes what years of good engineering can never do." Alice says, "Is it our maturity that makes that concept sound okay?" Dilbert says, "I hope so."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #lying, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I'll be right back after I inoculate our CEO." The boss says, "If you ever decide to reduce our layers of management, Carl is worthless and he thinks your kids look like the director of sales." The boss thinks, "That should buy me a few months."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #angry, #cruel, #mean, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Being evil used to mean something." Catbert says, "These days I can cut salaries by 10% and people will thank me for not firing them!" The boss says, "So you want to help me eat employee lunches from the break room fridge?" Catbert says, "I'd like that."