Engineering Staff Comic Strips - Page 38

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

401 Results for Engineering Staff

View 371 - 380 results for engineering staff comic strips. Discover the best "Engineering Staff" comics from Dilbert.com.

Move To Cubicles Is Complete

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Move To Cubicles Is Complete - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #office, #cubicle, #depression, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.

Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #government, #back door, #self driving, #software, #kill terrorits, #traitor, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Im uncomfortable with letting the government have a back door into our sled driving car software. The Boss: You worry too much, They'll only use it to kill terrorists and traitors. Dilbert: I think I might disable it and not tell them. The Boss: Traitor

Terrible Personality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

What Classes To Be An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

New Military Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #asok, #coffee maker, #the boss, #artificial intelligence, #bitcoin, #machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I already regret adding artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. It's withholding coffee until we give it a private office. Asok: Stupid machine! Coffee Maker: That'll cost you a bit coin.

Device Can Read Minds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #cost, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #ladder, #waste

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.

Punishing For Others

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Punishing For Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We've decided to level the organization. This means a slight pay cut for senior engineers such as yourself, but I hope you'll be a team player. Dilbert: Are you punishing me for the mediocrity of others? Boss: Only indirectly.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #engineering, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #schedule

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.