Fire Anyone Comic Strips - Page 38

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388 Results for Fire Anyone

View 371 - 380 results for fire anyone comic strips. Discover the best "Fire Anyone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Finding Alice

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Finding Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #data, #spying, #location, #privacy

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Boss: Does anyone know where Alice is? Dilbert: Yes. The CIA, Google, Facebook, Apple, and Russian hackers know where she is. Boss: But we have no way to find her? Dilbert: Depends. Was she dumb enough to download our company app?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Wife Versus Wifi

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Wife Versus Wifi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #typo, #overreaction, #wife, #wi-fi, #offense, #relationships

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CEO: I want you to fire Dilbert for insulting my wife in his slide deck. Boss: The presentation was about wi-fi, not your wife. CEO: In my defense, they're both spotty.

Wally Mentors To Death

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Wally Mentors To Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #asok, #Wally, #successful, #definition, #minimum, #alive, #employed, #comas, #ruling

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Asok: Have you ever mentored anyone who went on to be successful? Wally: Depends on your definition of success. Asok: Well, at minimum, they'd need to be alive and gainfully employed. Wally: What's your ruling on comas?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #co-workers, #phone calls, #cubicle, #breaks, #flow, #Food, #smells, #break, #room, #pretending, #thermostat

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Dilbert: My co-workers make it impossible to work. I hear every one of their phone calls. It's maddening. When they walk past my cubicle it breaks my flow. And don't get me started about the food smells coming from the break room. They ask me one dumb question after another. I don't know who keeps turning up the thermostat. But it's too hot to think. The Boss: Would it help if I threaten to fire you? Dilbert: It's worth a try I'll be in my cubicle pretending to work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #engineering, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #schedule

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Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge

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Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

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Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart

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Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

Contacting The Alien Probe

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Contacting The Alien Probe - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #aliens, #communication, #earth, #space, #technology

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Dilbert: We're ready to fire up our laser communication technology to contact the alien probe heading to Earth. Boss: Is the alien probe unmanned? Dilbert: It is now.

Firing Ted

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Firing Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #panic, #suspicious

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Boss: Ted, come to my office at five o'clock. Ted: Gaaa!!! That's what you say when you plan to fire people! Boss: Don't be ridiculous. Also, bring your keys.