Highest Paid Engineer Comic Strips - Page 38

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

408 Results for Highest Paid Engineer

View 371 - 380 results for highest paid engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Highest Paid Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Device Has Human Emotions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Device Has Human Emotions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #invention, #human, #humanity, #misanthrope

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Is it true that you invented a device with human intelligence and human emotions? Wally: Yes. I'd give you a demo, but the device is depressed and wants to be left alone. Dilbert: It looks like a block of wood. Wally: I'm only trying to copy the human mind. There's no reason to over-engineer it. Dilbert: I can respect that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #job, #happiness, #fulfillment, #meaning, #pleasure, #struggle, #engagement, #business, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I want a job I can enjoy. Dilbert: You want to work for free? Asok: No, I just want to get paid for doing things I want to do. Dilbert: Perhaps you misunderstand the true nature of "work." The reason your employer pays you is because work is unpleasant by its very nature. If the job were fun, the company would charge you a fee for letting you do it. Boss: Asok, I need you to climb into the dumpster and find out what's making it smell so bad. Asok: At least I'm doing something useful. Boss: No, it's more of a curiosity situation.

Wally Accepts Bribes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Accepts Bribes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #money, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Car Rental Typing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Car Rental Typing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #efficiency, #car rental, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!

Volunteers For Mars Trip

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Volunteers For Mars Trip - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #astronaut, #engineering, #karma, #death, #design, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need volunteers to go to Mars in the spaceship we're building. Dilbert: Ask Ted. He's dispensable because he's a terrible engineer. Boss: Ted designed the spaceship. Dilbert: Karma will sort that all out.

Programming Environment

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Programming Environment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #productivity, #programmer, #engineer, #developer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish writing the software? Dilbert: No. I spent the last three days setting up my programming environment. Boss: So... you've done... nothing? Dilbert: Nothing you'd understand.

Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fair, #fairness, #wages, #equality, #worth, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.

Agile Methodology

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Agile Methodology - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.

Standup Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Standup Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software, #engineer, #coding, #jargon, #language, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Are you coming to the standup meeting? Wally: Is it okay if I sit instead? Dilbert: No, that would ruin the software. Dilbert: Did that make sense when I said it? Wally: No, and it isn't aging well either.