Open Door Policy Comic Strips - Page 38
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"Alice, company policy says that personal items can not be higher than the cubicle wall." "Just out of curiousity, what is the logic behind that bizarre policy?" "We want to maintain a smooth line-of-sight for aesthetic reasons." "Let me see if I understand your point of view." "My Einstein doll makes the cubicle so hideous that our stock will plunge" "Now if I take it down..." "Gasp! It's so beautiful now! My soul is filled with music! My life has meaning!" "Yea! I just noticed that when I look at this doll and you at the same time, you look hideous."
Dilbert: Excuse me. May I ask a question? You're blasting your music while your window is open, so Im wondering.... are you thinking that the people around you are enjoying your musical choices? Or are you a psychopath, prone y to ego centri , antisociale behavior? Or is it a sdeaspartae misguided attempt to improve your odds f finding a mate? Its actually a simple case of peer imitation and cognitive dissonance that causes me to selective filter my perceptions. I like that song. Great! Now I suddenly hate it! You ruined everything!
Alice: "Asok, I designate you the keeper of the giant binder." "It contains our secret technology plans." "It can never leave this office." "It won't fit in any drawer." "And the 'clean desk policy' forbids me from leaving it on my desktop." "GAAA!! I can't take it home, and I can't leave it here!" "I must use it as a tiny bed and spend the rest of my days guarding it." Dilbert: "What did you do with the giant binder prop that you got at the trade show?"
The Boss is hiding behind a doorway as Dilbert walks toward him. The Boss thinks, "The Master of Delegation hears the footsteps of his prey." Sticking his head out the door, The Boss says, "Hi." A startled Dilbert exclaims, "Gaaa!!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Call this vendor and tell him I want the third thing he told me about." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Okay. That will save two minutes of your valuable time." Dilbert says, "When the vendor asks me dozens of questions should I just guess at the answers?" Dilbert asks The Boss, "Or would you prefer to spend an hour giving me enough background so you can avoid a two-minute call?" Dilbert says, "You know what's funny? This conversation lasted a minute... And there are two of us." The Boss asks, "Are you done?" Dilbert says, "I think you wrote down your own phone number."
Dilbert approaches the Boss' desk with a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "I need your approval for to buy a new computer." The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" as Dilbert speaks. The Boss replies, "There's a freeze on the capital budget. Only our CEO can approve it." Dilbert holds out the slip of paper again and says, "Could you ask him to..." as The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" The Boss replies, "I don't want to be the guy who always asks for things." The Boss continues, "Maybe you could assemble a computer from components that are each within my approval limit?" Dilbert asks, "What's your approval limit?" The Boss replies, "Ten dollars." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle banging my head against the wall." The Boss stands overlooking the cubicles from his office door as sounds of "Thud! Thud! Thud! come from a cubicle. The Boss thinks to himself, "This is why I keep them in soft-walled containers."
Dilbert: All I did this week was rearrange bits on the Internet. I had no real impact on the physical world. I can't rule out the possibility that I'm already dead and I don't know it. Okay, still an open question.
Ratbert: I'm moning for bertcoins. It's a digital currency created by an anonymous genius. Hey, I'm getting an email from a Somali fellow who wants me to open an attachment. What happened to all of my bertcoins? Bob: Digital Somali pirates!
Boss: Productivity went down when we moved the engineers from private offices to cubicles. Productivity went down again when we tried to open the office plan. CEO: Have we tried putting all of them in one clown car? Boss: No, but I don't see why that wouldn't work.
Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.
Dilbert: Do you know why I need to carry a company-issued phone plus my own phone? Boss: No. Dilbert: I think it's because our company policy was written by chimps who time-traveled from the fifties. Or do you have a better explanation. Boss: I really don't.