Questions At End Comic Strips - Page 38

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

421 Results for Questions At End

View 371 - 380 results for questions at end comic strips. Discover the best "Questions At End" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypothetical, #worst-case scenario, #pessimism, #nightmare

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.

Elbonians Jumping Off Roof

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonians Jumping Off Roof - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jump, #height, #suicide, #struggle, #failure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We have a problem at our Elbonian manufacturing plant. Employees are leaping from the roof to end their lives. Boss: It's only two stories high. Dilbert: That's the problem. It takes three jumps to do it right.

Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #ruse, #work ethic, #deception, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'd love to help you, but I'm busy working on the red file. Woman: Is the red file a real thing or just a thing you say to get out of work? Wally: It's all the same on your end.

Wally Offended Everyone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Offended Everyone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offense, #offensive, #sensitivity, #political correctness, #politically correct

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I"m getting reports that you have offended every single employee in this company in the past week. Wally: Have I offended you? Boss: No, I"m not a sensitive idiot like the rest of them. Wally: Doesn't that mean the problem is on their end? Boss: That doesn't matter as much as you think it should.

Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #politeness, #conversation, #etiquette, #efficiency, #illogical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.

Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #genius, #work ethic, #efficiency

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.

Wally Didn't Write It Down

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Didn't Write It Down - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #project, #excuse, #procrastinate, #delay

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Did you finish the prototype? Wally: I didn't start because I had some questions. Man: Why didn't you ask me those questions a month ago? Wally: I was waiting until I saw you. Man: Fine... what are your questions? Wally: I just realized I didn't write them down.

Asok Is In The Jargon Matrix

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Is In The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #language, #breakdown, #nonsense

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Come quickly. I think Asok entered the jargon matrix. Asok: At the end of the day, I want some actionable insights that will improve our cross-platform integration. Carol: Can he hear us? Dilbert: Yes, but our words are just noise to him now. Asok: Silo.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #power, #interns, #roadblock

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You'll need to get buy-in from the other departments. Asok: You have given me an impossible task. I am only an intern. No one will agree to anything I ask because I have no power to hurt them. Most department heads won't even schedule a meeting with me. And if they do, they will end up canceling it at the last minute and rescheduling. There is literally no way for me to succeed at this task. Boss: I also need you to ask them to fund your project out of their budgets.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time machine, #time travel, #experiment, #algorithm, #planning, #mistake, #error, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.