Quit Without Notice Comic Strips - Page 38

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407 Results for Quit Without Notice

View 371 - 380 results for quit without notice comic strips. Discover the best "Quit Without Notice" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Is Barely Trying

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Dilbert Is Barely Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #jobs, #progress, #problems, #expectations

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Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

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Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business

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Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

New Website Developer

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New Website Developer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #web, #internet, #site, #development, #code, #time, #deadline, #coding, #technology

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Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

Ruining Dilbert's Flow

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Ruining Dilbert's Flow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #stress, #deadline, #work load, #multitask, #compensation, #money

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Boss: I'm giving you another software project to work on at the same time as your main project. Dilbert: That will ruin my flow. It will take too long to reset my brain when I switch between projects. Boss: Have you tried working longer hours without extra pay? Dilbert: Yes I have!

Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job

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Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #talking, #conversation, #boring, #annoy, #quitting, #boredom

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Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.

Coaching Ted

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Coaching Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #quitting, #fired, #annoy, #irritate, #drive away, #repel

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Boss: Ted, you have not performed up to my expectations, so I thought I would spend more time coaching you. I'll be with you every minute of the day. Ted: I quit! Catbert: I told you that would work. Boss: I didn't want to believe it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business

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Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.

Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff

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Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #computer, #conversation, #desk, #tweets, #technology

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Our customers organized a boycott because of your racist tweet. I know. That's why I tweeted out some witty insults at the organizers. Your new tweets are sexist. Notice how the make you forget about my racist tweets?

Dilbert Loses His Budget

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Dilbert Loses His Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #decision, #funding, #money

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Boss: You were on vacation last week so I made decisions about your project without you. Dilbert: Oh no... what have you done? Boss: I transferred your budget to another project. Dilbert: I need that money! Boss: Oh. Can you wait until the other project manager goes on vacation?