Fast Guy In Tights Comic Strips - Page 39
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View 381 - 390 results for fast guy in tights comic strips. Discover the best "Fast Guy In Tights" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 22, 2002's comic on:
Headline: The Adventures of Paul Ooshen* (*Say it fast). Paul sits at his computer and looks down at his watch. Paul squirts a perfume bottle towards his face. He thinks, "Aaah... The scent of a hog farm in a rainstorm." Paul rubs in fingers in an oil puddle on his desk and thinks, "Oil for fingers." Paul holds up a sandwich and thinks, "Onion sandwich." Paul snorts his nose and thinks, "Annoying nasal sounds." Paul pours coffee into a mug and thinks, "Leaky coffee mug.. I'm ready for my meeting." Paul enters Alice's cubicle and scratches his nails down her computer screen. Alice screams, "Yes! Yes! I agree to everything! Please leave!" Paul walks away and thinks, "I didn't even need to lean over her keyboard with my sugar donut."
Share July 01, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert approaches the Boss' desk with a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "I need your approval for to buy a new computer." The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" as Dilbert speaks. The Boss replies, "There's a freeze on the capital budget. Only our CEO can approve it." Dilbert holds out the slip of paper again and says, "Could you ask him to..." as The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" The Boss replies, "I don't want to be the guy who always asks for things." The Boss continues, "Maybe you could assemble a computer from components that are each within my approval limit?" Dilbert asks, "What's your approval limit?" The Boss replies, "Ten dollars." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle banging my head against the wall." The Boss stands overlooking the cubicles from his office door as sounds of "Thud! Thud! Thud! come from a cubicle. The Boss thinks to himself, "This is why I keep them in soft-walled containers."
Share August 26, 2001's comic on:
Asok, The Boss, and Dilbert are sitting next to each other at a meeting. Asok raises his hand excitedly and says, "Ooh! Ooh! I know how to solve that problem!" The Boss replies, "Not so fast, Asok." Asok looks sullen as the Boss continues, "This isn't the solution meeting. This is the process meeting." The Boss continues, "Our goal is to develop a process for generating ideas to solve the problem." Wally turns to Asok and The Boss and says, "We don't know how to develop processes. Someone should have a meeting about that." Wally continues, "Someone like... a cross-disciplinary SWAT team in an offsite lockup meeting." The Boss says, "Hmm.. good idea." He then looks at Dilbert from the corner of his eye and finishes, "I guess this meeting is over." Wally continues to talk to Asok as they're walking out of the meeting. He says, "You see, Asok. You can only thwart a meeting by inventing other meetings to act as a firewall." The Boss approaches Asok at his desk and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on a cross-disciplinary SWAT team."
Share September 10, 2000's comic on:
Catbert approaches Wally and says, "I mapped your genome Wally." Wally replies, "I didn't know the human resources department had that technology." Catbert responds, "I used a pencil." Wally says to Catbert, "Your genes predict that you will be a bitter, lazy, caucasian guy with six hairs and poor vision." Catbert answers, "You'll hate cubicles, measurable objectives, and cats who map your genome." Wally says to Catbert, "This is a violation of my right to privacy! I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court." Catbert responds, "No, according to my map, you'll lose interest and fall asleep." Catbert says to Wally as he sleeps, "I wonder if this technology will ever fall into the wrong hands."
Share October 01, 2000's comic on:
The boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are at a conference table. The boss says, "Wally, what's the status of our vital records protection plan?"` Wally thinks, "Think fast." Wally says, "I..uh...did extensive interviews with key stakeholders." Wally continues, "Then I..uh...formed a plan.." Wally says, "Now all the records are digitized and stored with 512 bit encryption..." Wally continues, "..At the center of the earth..on natural magnets." The boss says, "I meant you should read the project team's status report." Wally, reading, says, "They claim to have a plan. Liars."
Share May 23, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I hired an overqualified yet incompetent guy to help on your project. Coworker: I was happily incompetent for years. Then I got my PhD and people started thinking I could do things. Okay, I'm stumped.
Share August 16, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: I heard you got booted off the management fast track. Wally: Yeah. I fell asleep during the small animal snuff film and failed the sociopath module. Dilbert: That seems harsh. Wally: I offered to punch a squirrel, but they don't allow extra credit.
Share September 01, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's that guy. Coworker: You never returned any of my messages. Dilbert: I was busy. Coworker: For six months? Dilbert: Well, no... only for a week. But it would have been awkward to respond after ignoring you for so long. Coworker: So your plan was to avoid me forever even though we work on the same floor? Dilbert: No. I've seen the quality of your work and I figured there was a 60% chance that you would die in a workplace accident that the average idiot could easily avoid. For the record, I'm the one who was trying to avoid this conversation.
Share August 26, 2013's comic on:
Carol: It's the new guys first day and he's calling in sick. His message says he was putting on his shirt and got his head caught in an arm hole. Good hire. Boss: I had that same problem with my pants.
Share August 29, 2013's comic on:
Robot: Here is your coffee, as requested. Some guy tried to take the last cup, so I strangled him and put his remains down the garbage disposal. Wally: It's weird how that makes the coffee taste so much better.