Projects Budget Comic Strips - Page 39

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422 Results for Projects Budget

View 381 - 390 results for projects budget comic strips. Discover the best "Projects Budget" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #freedom, #free will, #schedule, #work load, #stress, #free time, #breaks, #lunch

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Boss: Schedule your training during your lunch hours so it doesn't impact your projects. Dilbert: But... my lunch hour is the only freedom I experience in a typical day. The rest of my time is either scheduled to the minute or driven by whatever crisis is happening. Please don't take my lunch hour and reduce me to nothing but a prisoner in a digital chain gang. I'm barely clinging to my illusion of free will as it is. This could push me over the edge. If you take away my one hour of freedom in the day, I might as well be a robot. Boss: Relax. This is temporary. Dilbert: For how long? Boss: Until I can replace you with a robot.

Deciding Which Liar You Prefer

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Deciding Which Liar You Prefer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #choices, #voting, #election, #Politics

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Boss: I can't decide if I want to vote for the liar with the budget plan that doesn't add up or... the other liar with a budget plan that doesn't add up. Dogbert: Have you tried using your ignorance to figure out which one is lying the least? Boss: Ooh, that could work.

Wally Heads Up Ai Project

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Wally Heads Up Ai Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #project, #fake

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Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.

Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide

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Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #irrational, #demands, #managers, #powerpoint, #nonsense

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Dilbert: It took me a hours to figure out how to fit everything you wanted into one slide. Boss: That's great. Now add in some stuff about the budget, our risks, and all of our competition. And keep it all on one slide. Dilbert: Have you ever listened to the noise coming from your mouth?

Dashboard For The Boss

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Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #ruse, #trick, #deception.

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Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Dashboard Never Changes

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Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #trick, #technology, #status, #ruse

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Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workload, #work ethic, #laziness, #teamwork, #team, #philosophy, #business

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Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

Get Multiple Approvals

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Get Multiple Approvals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #problems, #work, #frustration

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Boss: You need to get your capital budget approved by all of the department heads. We're in the middle of a reorg, so get approval from both the outgoing and the incoming managers. Dilbert: Someday I hope to solve a problem that is not caused by leadership. Boss: You'll never get that far.

Accused Of Forgery

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Accused Of Forgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #performance, #forgery, #pessimism, #giving up, #resistance

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Catbert: You stand accused of forging an expense approval from the head of Marketing. Your malfeasance caused the project to finish on time and under budget. Next time, just give up and lose hope like everyone else. Dilbert: Will do.

Trust Your First Instinct

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Trust Your First Instinct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.