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391 Results for Free Stock

View 381 - 390 results for free stock comic strips. Discover the best "Free Stock" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Customers Work For Free

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Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #test, #big business, #money, #savings, #obliviousness

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Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

Might Reorganize

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Might Reorganize - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #responsibility, #work ethic, #reorganization, #merger, #laziness

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Wally: Are you still considering a reorganization of the department? Boss: Maybe. Wally: Oh, good. I was worried I might be held accountable for my lack of accomplishments. Boss: I might be playing this wrong. Wally: Hey, everyone! We're free!

Grant Application

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Grant Application  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #job, #job description, #responsibility, #business

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Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #employee, #calendar, #week, #awkward, #problem, #schedule, #relative, #lunch, #sandwich

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Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2019's comic on:


Tags #avoidance, #irritation, #lunch, #office workers, #relationships, #coworkers

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Tina: You should meet the new guy in marketing. You two would get along great. I'll set up a lunch. Dilbert: Why? Tina: Because he reminds me of you. Dilbert:That isn't a reason. Tina: Okay, he is free tomorrow for lunch. I'll tell him to meet you in the lobby. Dilbert: I still don't see why the three of us need to go to lunch. Tina: It's just the two of you. I'm busy tomorrow. Man: I hear you're a lot like me. Dilbert: Sadly, yes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

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Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Manipulation Via Dopamine

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Manipulation Via Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #customer, #lotalty, #science, #new, #manipulate, #addictions, #mockery, #free will, #evil, #extreme

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Boss: We've moved past the old notation of customer loyalty. Now we use science to manipulate dopamine and create addictions that make a mockery of free will. Dilbert: That sounds like the epitome of evil. Boss: We call it "extreme marketing."

Ted And The Tangle Of Cords

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Ted And The Tangle Of Cords - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #coffee, #desk, #office, #office workers, #cables, #stapler

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the boss, dibert and wally standing with coffee. the boss: has anyone seen ted lately? wally: last time i saw him he was trapped in a tangle of cables behind his desk, screaming for help. the boss: then you helped him get free? wally: i only needed his stapler.

Beg And Pay Store

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Beg And Pay Store - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #buying, #selling, #begging, #internet

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dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!