This Week Comic Strips - Page 39

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428 Results for This Week

View 381 - 390 results for this week comic strips. Discover the best "This Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Listening To A Millenial

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Listening To A Millenial - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #millennial, #malaise, #melancholy

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Dilbert: I didn't accomplish anything this week because I made the mistake of talking to a millennial. It sucked the ambition out of me. Now I'm nothing but an empty husk of pain and pointlessness. Boss: Walk it off. Dilbert: I need a job that pays me for listening to my favorite music.

Hot And Cold In The Office

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Hot And Cold In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temperature, #thermostat, #disagreement, #hot, #cold

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Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.

The Extra 10%

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The Extra 10%  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation

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Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Anyone Fired Lately

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Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #fired, #scapegoat, #laziness, #excuse

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Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #memory, #demagoguery, #social media, #Opinion, #technology

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Man: You said you hated this idea last week, but now you say you like it. How do you explain your flip-flopping? Dilbert: I always liked the idea. Nothing changed. Man: Hahaha! Nice try! You're back-pedaling because I busted you. Dilbert: Here is my email trail from the first moment the idea came up. As you can plainly see, I have liked the idea from the start. Any questions? Boss: Why is it so hard for you to admit you were wrong?

Idea Stealing

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Idea Stealing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idea, #manager, #credit

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Boss: What does everyone think of my idea? Dilbert: I suggested that same idea last week and you said it was terrible. Boss: Your idea was totally different because it involved you getting the credit.

Reducing Headcount By Attrition

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Reducing Headcount By Attrition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #injury, #layoff, #osha, #safety

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CEO: We need to reduce headcount, but we plan to do it by attrition. We're loosening our safety standards and letting nature do the rest. Voice: Gaaa!!! Ouch!!! CEO: You might want to keep your headphones on for a week or so.

Robot Learns Human Behavior

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Robot Learns Human Behavior - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #coffee, #bug, #robot, #sexist, #racist

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Dilbert: I built a robot that learns human behavior by observation. By the end of the first week it was a sexist, racist idiot. The Boss: Can you fix that bug? Dilbert: Some say climate change will get it done.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #draft, #same day, #sloth, #tardiness

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The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded. Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now. The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.