Won't Get Caught Comic Strips - Page 39

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

450 Results for Won't Get Caught

View 381 - 390 results for won't get caught comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Get Caught" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.

Priorities

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #priorities, #culture, #company, #money, #greed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: There seems to be some confusion about what our company culture is. Boss: Our priorities are honesty, integrity, and return on investment. Alice: Which priority is the highest? Boss: Integrity won't buy me a new boat.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #power, #interns, #roadblock

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You'll need to get buy-in from the other departments. Asok: You have given me an impossible task. I am only an intern. No one will agree to anything I ask because I have no power to hurt them. Most department heads won't even schedule a meeting with me. And if they do, they will end up canceling it at the last minute and rescheduling. There is literally no way for me to succeed at this task. Boss: I also need you to ask them to fund your project out of their budgets.

Getting The Wrong Answer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting The Wrong Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #spending, #Advice, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #Promotion, #intelligence, #logic, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Lips Stopped Moving

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lips Stopped Moving - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #earbuds, #listening, #distraction, #ignoring, #busted, #caught

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I saw packaging for wireless earbuds in the trash. Is that why you suddenly seem to be a good listener? Dogbert: Uh-oh. His lips stopped moving.

Estimate Of Timeline

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!

Robot Was A Good Worker Before

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Was A Good Worker Before - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #delegation, #automation, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.

Engineer With No Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.