Asok Comic Strips - Page 39

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

963 Results for Asok

View 381 - 390 results for Asok comic strips. Discover the best "Asok" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget cut, health, bleak, public, poorly made prodcuts, elevant, organs, still healthy, black market

View Transcript

Transcript

After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apologize for efficiency, apology, how far, meeting, reasonable assumptions, timeline for deployment, vacation, without knowledge of insight, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: Let's figure out a timeline for development. Dilbert: Ted is the only one who knows anything about that. And he's on vacation. The boss: Let's see how far we can get without Ted. Alice: You mean without knowledge or insight? The boss: We can make reasonable assumptions. Dilbert: Or we could wait for Ted to come back tomorrow and ask him.. The boss: I called this meeting and it's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted! Dilbert: I apologize for my efficiency. The boss: Apology accepted.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, message, sleeping, full attention, instant message, asleep, employing heuristics, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I don't think I have your full attention. Alice: It's Asok's turn to listen. If you say anything useful, he'll send us an instance message. The boss: He's asleep. Alice: He's employing heuristics.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags imagination, experince, email, boss, hurts brain, think about it, team players, new projects, form of evil, people squander it

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "Is it my imagination or am I doing your job, plus mine?" Wally says, "That's not your imagination, Asok." Wally says, "It's a little thing I call experience." Wally says, "Once a week, I e-mail our pointy-haired boss and ask him a question." Wally says, "I make the question so complicated that it hurts his brain." The Boss says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally says, "He'll spend the rest of the week avoiding me so he doesn't need to think about it." Wally says, "Meanwhile he seeks out team players and hammers them with new projects." Asok says, "So... experience is a form of evil?" Wally says, "Not always. Some people squander it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags follow arc, phase one, unwarranted optimism, delusions of competence, phase two, obstructionists slither, smother dreams, ignorance and envy, fuel rumors, morph into common knowledge, resources allocated, misinformation and favoritism, requirements will drift, undesirable and impossible

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our project plan will follow the usual arc." Dilbert says, "Phase one will be unwarranted optimism supported by delusions of competence." Dilbert says, "In phase two, the obstructionists will slither out of their lairs and try to smother our dreams." Dilbert says, "Ignorance and envy will fuel rumors that get repeated until they morph into common knowledge." Dilbert says, "Resources will be allocated based on misinformation and favoritism." Dilbert says, "And requirements will drift until the project is both undesirable and impossible." Dilbert says, "That brings us to the second week." Asok says, "I want my unwarranted optimism back."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags change is good, most start ups fail, questions at end

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Change is good." Dilbert says, "Then why do most startups fail?" The Boss says, "I only take questions at the end." Someone says, "There's more?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags idea squirrel, steals your ideas, treats you like a nut, tackle him, boss office, squirrel, great ideas

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "Anyway, that's what I think should be done." Dilbert says, "IDEA SQUIRREL!" Asok says, "WHAT? WHAT?" Dilbert says, "The idea squirrel steals your ideas and treats you like a nut for saying they were yours!" Asok says, "What do I do now?" Dilbert says, "Your only hope is to tackle him before he gets to our boss's office." Asok says, "GAAA!!!" The Idea Squirrel says, "Grrr..." Someone says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" The Boss says, "Why is the squirrel that always has great ideas fighting with that nut?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags worked around clock, ten programmers, establish new baseline, tragic death march, stretch golas, stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags impossible task, forbidden powers, third arm, lost intellectual curiosity

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok thinks, "My task is impossible unless I use my forbidden powers." Asok thinks, "Would anyone notice if I had a third arm for a few hours?" Wally says, "I lost my intellectual curiosity just in time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bought entire era system, software, money, boat sinkiing, anchor to head, staff, out of money, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We inadvertently bought an entire ERP system without any software. Now we're out of money." Asok says, "Why do I suddenly feel like my boat is sinking and someone nailed an anchor to my head?" The Boss says, "If only someone on my staff could write the software in his spare time..." Asok says, "Glub glub glub"