Hope You Die Comic Strips - Page 39

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

413 Results for Hope You Die

View 381 - 390 results for hope you die comic strips. Discover the best "Hope You Die" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #wallet, #money, #rich, #return, #owner, #honest, #sam grooper, #ruthless, #criminal, #divorced, #wife, #ruth, #reward, #expected, #slap, #scram, #gun, #morons

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the sidewalk. Dilbert points ahead of them and says, "Look, Dogbert - a wallet." Dilbert bends down, picks up the wallet and says, "It's full of money." Dogbert shouts, "We're rich!!" Dilbert says, "We must return it to its owner." Dogbert shouts, "We're honest!" Dilbert says, "His business card says 'Sam Grouper, ruthless criminal.'" Dilbert says, "Let's hope 'ruthless' means he divorced his wife named Ruth." The criminal answers his door with a gun in his hand. Dilbert says, "Mr. Grouper, we found your wallet. No reward is expected." Sam points the weapon at Dilbert and says, "Hand it over. Give me your wallet too, then slap yourselves around and scram." Dilbert's glasses are bent and his clothes are disheveled. Dogbert holds his hands up and says, "We're morons!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ceo, #superficial, #statements, #company, #lucky, #profits, #leadership

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a big desk and asks an employee, "Now that I'm CEO, what am I supposed to actually do?" The man replies, "You're supposed to make superficial statements about how good the company is, then hope something lucky happens and profits go up." The man continues, "It's called leadership, sir." Dilbert waves the man away and says, "Make it so."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #luck, #lemons, #lemonade, #citrus, #allergic, #swell, #die

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "I have no luck." Dogbert says, "You know what they say, 'If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.'" Dilbert replies, "I'm allergic to citrus." Dogbert says, "You know what they say, 'If life gives you lemons, swell up and die.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #world, #news, #country, #doug, #tiny, #monarchy, #king, #descendant, #deity, #head, #doesn't

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair watching the television news. The newscaster says, "In world news, the tiny country of Elbonia has become a despotic monarchy." The news anchorman continues, "The new ruler is King Dogbert, who claims to be a descendant of the Elbonian Deity 'Doug.'" In Elbonia, Dogbert rides on the back of an Elbonian and hits him on the back of his head. Dogbert is wearing a miter and holding a scepter. Dogbert thinks, "I hope this doesn't go to my head."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hover, #saucer, #complete, #destroy, #small, #country, #wrong, #hands

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert makes some adjustments to a vehicle that looks like a flying saucer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My hover-saucer invention is complete!" Dilbert continues, "It has enough advanced weaponry to destroy a small country." Dilbert says, "I hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands." Dogbert thinks, "Paws."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #pillow, #blanket, #presentation, #presented, #consciousness, #nose, #table, #happened, #manners

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says to Dilbert, "I hope you won't mind my pillow and blanket at your presentation." The man continues, "The last time you presented, I lost consciousness and broke my nose on the table." Dilbert stands in front of a conference table. All of the people at the table are asleep. Dilbert thinks, "Whatever happened to good manners?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #critical, #first, #sound, #date, #little man, #attached, #back, #co-worker, #successful, #pressure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert arrives at a woman's door carrying flowers. Floyd is still attached to Dilbert's back. The woman says, "I don't mean to sound critical on a first date, but there's a little man attached to your back." Dilbert says, "That's Floyd. He's a co-worker who survives by sharing the success of others." The woman asks, "What if you're not successful?" Dilbert replies, "He'll die. But hey, no pressure."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #helen, #man, #resume, #requested, #formula, #calculate, #ratio, #height, #baldness, #Men, #different, #nights

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I hope you'll date me now, Helen. I brought my resume as you requested. Helen: There's a little formula I use to calculate the ratio of your earnings potential to your height and baldness... Hmm... You pass. Of course, I'll still date other men too. Man: On different nights?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #convince, #wealth, #polyester, #pants, #top, #head, #money, #change

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits across from a customer service representative in a bank. The woman says, "Well, Mr. Dogbert, what could I do to convince you to put your new wealth in our bank?" Dogbert replies, "Stretch your polyester pants over the top of your head." As the woman pulls her pants over her head, Dogbert says, "I hope money doesn't change me."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #turtle, #pet, #teach, #tricks, #roll, #back, #die

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert asks, "Do you mind if I get a turtle for a pet?" Dilbert replies, "That sounds cute. Maybe you can teach it to do tricks." Dogbert asks a giant turtle, "Can you do any tricks?" The turtle replies, "I can roll on my back and die."