How To Comic Strips - Page 39

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for How To

View 381 - 390 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

Business Plan History

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Business Plan History - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business plan, futile, futility, goal, guest artist, logic, plan, john glynn

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Before we make our business plan for the coming year, let's see how well we stayed on plan last year. We ended up doing nothing that was in our plan, just like every year. Dilbert: Why do't' we skip it this year? Boss: It would be irrational to have no plan.

Asok Has Tasted The Sweet Freedom Of Uber

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Has Tasted The Sweet Freedom Of Uber - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags experience, guest artist, introspection, john glynn, wisdom

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Now that I have tasted the sweet freedom of being an Uber driver, how can I go back to this life? Wally: Try looking deep within yourself, Asok. Asok: You are even wiser than usual. Wally: You'll need a flashlight and yoga lessons.

The Root Cause Of Bad Posture

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Root Cause Of Bad Posture - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags posture, health, work ethic, laziness, back pain

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How do you keep your posture so straight? Wally: It's easy. You have to understand the root cause of your poor posture before you can eliminate it. Dilbert: Bad ergonomics? Wally: Work.

Dilbert Is Picked As Company Mascot`

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Picked As Company Mascot` - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags posture, mascot, success, hunchback, work ethic, reward

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Management has selected Dilbert to be our new company mascot. His bad posture speaks volumes about his hard work and long hours. Dilbert: Ow! CEO: Did you ever dream you would be so successful? Dilbert: This is exactly how I dreamed it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags demands, bosses, unrealistic, frustration, outburst, catch-22, travel, air travel

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.

Unexpected Things Happen

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Unexpected Things Happen - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deadline, project, schedule, excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: What's the latest on the software release date? Wally: We're right on time for the pre-alpha launch, unless we run into something unexpected. CEO: How often does that happen? Wally: Whenever I need it.

How Work Is Going

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Work Is Going - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, existence, happiness, fulfillment, frustration, job, business, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Are you being sarcastic? You know my life is an endless string of useless tasks orchestrated by idiots. Why do you even ask? Dogbert: I like hearing it? Dilbert: Your honesty is not refreshing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, complaining, problems, salutation, sincerity, insincere, questioning, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sales personnel, salesman, sales, honesty, deception, stragegy, sociopath, lying, lie, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I need you to join me on a sales call to tell my customer how easy it will be to switch to our software. Dilbert: It isn't easy. Man: This is a sales call. All you need to do is say everything will be easy. Dilbert: What happens when they find out it isn't easy? Man: They won't find out until after they pay us. Dilbert: What will you do when they complain? Man: I'll tell your boss you misled them. Dilbert: Not if I warn him first! Man: Too late. I already told him you're a liar.

Improving Your Reputation At Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Improving Your Reputation At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insult, power, socialization, social skills, Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How can I improve my reputation at work? Wally: The easiest way is to make your co-workers look worse. Asok: Wouldn't they notice? Wally: You didn't.