Help Comic Strips - Page 39

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424 Results for Help

View 381 - 390 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

Can We Borrow An Apron

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Can We Borrow An Apron  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pr, public relations, appearances, homeless, soup kitchen, shelter

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Dogbert: We're here to get a photo of my client serving food to the homeless. Man: We don't need any help. Dogbert: In that case, can we borrow an apron and a spoon? Man: Um... I guess so. Dogbert: And can you wipe some gruel on the apron?

App For A Better Boss

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App For A Better Boss  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, invention, mind control, neural interface

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Dilbert: The neural interface is live. His brain is now communicating with his phone. Alice: He's sending me a brain-text. It says "Please help me. My phone has taken control of my body." Dilbert: It worked! Alice: Now we just need to write an app that makes him a better boss.

Pretending To Be Helpful

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 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insulting, coworkers, consultation, indirect, pretend, helpful, grammar, slide deck

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Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

How To Use Personality Profiles

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How To Use Personality Profiles  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality test, personaity, privacy, memory, forgetfulness, absent mindedness

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Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.

Unplugged Server

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Unplugged Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags server, obliviousness, cell phone, phone, charging, technology

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Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?

Bad User Interface

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Bad User Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags user experience, interface, usability, menu, language

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining because our user interface is confusing. For example, our menu choice for deleting a file is labeled "save file." Boss: That's why we have a help menu. Dilbert: Our help menu is labeled "reformat hard drive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manipulation, fear, tactic, ignorance, jargon, language

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Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Facial Recognition Software

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Facial Recognition Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags facial recognition, stupid, insult, obliviousness, prototype, intelligence

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Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags name, weapon, semantics, language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Looking In The Wrong Places

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Looking In The Wrong Places - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, couch, co-worker, wimp, empathy, wrong, places

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Dilbert: I offered to help a co-worker, and she started delegating tasks to me like I'm her subordinate. Dogbert: Is the point of your boring story that your co-worker is a natural leader and you're a wimp. Dilbert: I was looking for some empathy. Dogbert: Is your point that you look for things in the wrong places?