Hire Someone Comic Strips - Page 39

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442 Results for Hire Someone

View 381 - 390 results for hire someone comic strips. Discover the best "Hire Someone" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #credit, #motivation, #obliviousness, #hiring, #logic, #business

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Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?

Tina Gost Writes About Success

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Tina Gost Writes About Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #humility, #insult, #humble, #ghostwriter, #biography, #Advice, #business

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Boss: Tina, a business publication asked me to write an article about success. I need you to ghostwrite it. Make me look wise, yet humble at the same time. Tina: "Hire employees that are smarter than you. In my case, that includes all adults, most children, and an alarming number of dolphins.

Asok Meets Dick

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Asok Meets Dick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mean, #jerk, #internet, #comment, #sarcasm, #forum, #social media, #technology

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Asok: Someone told me you're the guy who makes all the jerky comments on the Internet. Dick: Oh, really? Someone "told you?" Wow. Have you heard of a thing called science? Asok: It's you! Dick: I'll bet you use a dumb avatar, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

Boss Asks Alice To Mentor At School

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Boss Asks Alice To Mentor At School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #gender, #misogyny, #Women, #feminist, #mentor, #tutor, #assumption, #feminism

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Boss: My kid's school is looking for someone to mentor girls interested in stem careers. Alice: Are you asking me to do that because I'm a woman? Would you ask a man to do that? Boss: This went bad fast. Alice: Tell Wally to do it. He's not busy.

Why All The Women Leave

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Why All The Women Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2015's comic on:


Tags #Women, #technology, #quitting, #repulsion, #standards, #gender, #hiring, #sabotage

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Boss: Why do all of the women I hire quit within the first week? Wally: I'm guessing they have high standards, or something along those lines. Boss: They seem to quit soon after they meet you. Wally: Hypothesis confirmed.

Charging Client For Thinking

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Charging Client For Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #engineers, #time, #worth, #meetings, #billing, #money, #cost

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Boss: The client says you billed them for all the time you spent thinking about their project. Dilbert: I'm an engineer. Thinking is what I do. Should I think less? Boss: Maybe you could meet with someone while you think. Dilbert: How's that working right now?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #complaining, #problems, #salutation, #sincerity, #insincere, #questioning, #business

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Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #quality, #work ethic, #deadlines, #expectations, #speed, #trade off

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Boss: When will you have that done? Dilbert: Two weeks. Boss: Can you do it faster? Dilbert: Yes. All I need to do is lower the quality. Dilbert: Tell me what your minimum acceptable quality level is and I'll tell you when you can have it. Boss: I want it in one week. Dilbert: I can do that at 50 percent of planned quality. Boss: Why does it feel as if I'm not really managing anything here? Dilbert: Maybe you could go manage someone else now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm doing my job now. Dilbert: Is it your job to prevent me from working?

Asok's Legacy

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Asok's Legacy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #judge, #judging, #overshare, #sharing, #socks, #guest artist, #donna oatney, #legal

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CEO: Do you ever worry about your legacy? Asok: I worry about someone finding out my socks are so worn out that all I have left are the ankle parts. CEO: Well, that's enough about you.