Lying Down Comic Strips - Page 39

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags posterior, fat ass, chair, prnak, lied boss, like goldfish, big charis, big ass

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Alice stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "My posterior is growing to fit the size of my chair." The Boss asks, "Is that possible?" Alice replies, "Posteriors are like goldfish. They grow to the limit of their environment." The Boss replies, "That's ridiculous. I have the biggest chair. That would mean..." Alice quickly says, "Forget I brought it up. Well, back to work." Wally and Dilbert stand looking over the wall of a cubicle. Alice walks by and Dilbert asks, "Mission report?" Alice replies, "Success." Alice rubs her hands together and says, "The glue on his chair should be set by now." The Boss walks down the hall with his desk chair stuck to him. He thinks, "I guess this is why goldfishes don't use chairs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boring meeting, fidgeting, distarcted, pens

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Dilbert sits between Alice and Wally at a meeting. Someone is speaking, saying, "Blah, blah." Dilbert thinks to himself, "I can't believe I get paid for this." Dilbert looks down the table at his co-workers, all looking dazed. Dilbert thinks, "This thing lasts two more hours." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Maybe I should fidget with my pen." Dilbert looks at Wally who is fidgeting with his pen. Dilbert thinks, "I'm too late. Now I'd look uncreative." Dilbert continues to think to himself, "I wonder how long I could hold my breath." Wally continues to fidget with his pen and thinks, "Fidget." Dilbert holds his breath as Wally continues to fidget with his pen. Dilbert passes out and hits the ground with a "WHUMP!" Alice looks at Dilbert's feet propped up on the table as Wally grabs for Dilbert's pen. He says, "Ooh, TWO pens. What would THAT be like?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags combined birthdays, birthdays last year, fake cake, one cake, all birthdays, sing happy birthday

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The Boss stands in front of a cake and says, "Happy combined birthdays." The Boss continues, "Today we honor the employees who had birthdays within the past year." Wally, Dilbert and Alice stand as the Boss continues, "That's Dilbert...Alice...Asok...did I miss anyone?" Wally raises his hand and says, "Umm...you missed me." The Boss says, "You too? That's spooky." The Boss continues, "I'd cut the cake, but it's a plastic prop." The Boss says, "Let's sing. Does anyone know the words to 'Happy Birthday'?" The Boss walks down the hallway with the fake cake under his arm, and thinks, "I bet those weren't even the real words."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags data miner, eureka!, correclation, vacation, telecommute, expense vouchers, vouchers, out sick

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The data miner: The boss is sitting down and Dogbert is on top of the table wearing a hard hat with the light on and hitting a laptop with a stonecutter's hammer. Dogbert says: "Eureka! I found a correlation." Dogbert says to the boss: "When you're on vacation, all your employees telecommute." The boss says: "They do?" Dogbert says to the boss: "And 100% of all expense vouchers are signed when you're sick." The boss answers: "We have vouchers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, eating, lettuce, grabbed food, inhaled food, old lady, break room

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Alice is sitting down at lunch, she has a sandwich in her hands. A co-worker says to Alice: "Hey Alice, what are you eating? Let me have a sniff." Co-worker thrusts herself like an eagle upon Alice's sandwich to sniff it: "Sniff!". Alice is scared. Alice looks at her sandwich with surprise and says: "My letucce is gone!" Co-worker walks away chewing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, dilbert not buying it, excuses, get information, hate people, promise, resentment, saves time, advance

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Dilbert is sitting at a table with a co-worker. The co-worker tells Dilbert: "I'll get this information for you." Dilbert replies: "No you won't. You'll wait until I hunt you down and then you'll say you were too busy." On the couch at home with Dogbert, Dilbert says: "Today I started hating people in advance." Dogbert replies: "It saves time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags where he hid files, disgruntled, porcelain patty, job resigned

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Asok the Intern is at the Boss's office. The Boss is sitting behind his desk. He tells Asok: "Ted resigned. Your job is to find out where he hid his files." He continues: "Our only clue is that he was disgruntled." Asok is in the bathroom. He jots down in his notepad: "Negatory on porcelain patty."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tiny dried peanut, what would dogbert do, what would dogbert do?, god like, worship, dog worship, friends, ask yourself

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Walking down the street, Ratbert thinks to himself "At all times I ask myself, what would Dogbert do?" Ratbert also thinks, "Then it doesn't matter that my brain is the size of a tiny dried peanut." Ratbert pauses on the sidewalk with arms crossed and goes on to think, "That thought would make Dogbert hungry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cep, obscenely wealthy, guest house, build house, speech writer, workers, made him rich, bragging, condescending, truth

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Ed stands at the podium and says, "As CEO, I thank you for making me obscenely wealthy." Alice, Wally and Dilbert continue to sit and listen. Ed goes on to say, "Yesterday, I built a guest house using bundles of cash as bricks." Ed looks down at his paper, thinking "I need a new speech writer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags worst date ever, whats on ground, bends over, check out ass, not so good

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Ming and Dilbert are walking together as Ming talks on her cell phone. "Yeah, I'm having the worst date ever. I'll check." Ming asks Dilbert, "What's that on the ground? It looks interesting?" Dilbert bends down tolook. Ming begins talking on her cell phone again. "Not so good."