Named Ted Comic Strips - Page 39
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"Welcome to the competitive strategies seminar." "First, some housekeeping. In the event of an emergency, stay seated so I'll have a clear path to the exit." "And... there is no men's room in the building as far as you know."
"Catbert, evil H.R. director." "In order to cut costs, some of you will be relocated to the bottom of the ocean." "Wouldn't we be crushed by the pressure?" "Every job has some pressure." "And then there's the breathing issue." "I label you a whiner."
Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!
"It looks like an ordinary piece of paper, but I added this finger holder." "Now when I wander the hallways looking busy I can totally rest my hand." "Working hard?" "Not any more!"
Dilbert: The smokers in this building take hundreds of trips outside to smoke everyday. We can harness that kinetic energy to create electricity ti power their unused computers. pant pant too much slope
The Boss: "I've been named the aspect manager of moral. Effective today, you no longer report to me." Yippeeee! Woo hooo! Yes! CEO: "How did you improve the morale so quickly?" The Boss: "I'm a genius?"
Let me explain what video compression is... "Would you stop if I pointed out that everyone in this room except you is an electrical engineer?" "Zeros are round and fat compared to ones..." "I'm begging you..."
Wally sits in a metting between Dilbert and Alice. Wally thinks, "I'll have to be proactive to escape this boring meeting." Wally takes a sip from his coffee and thinks, "I'll fake my own death and hope someone drags me into the hallway." Wally says, "Ack!! My coffee is poisoned!" Wally lies on the ground feet in the air. Dilbert says, "Maybe we should drag him into the hallway." Alice says, "No." Alice says, "Let's wait for him to stiffen. Then he'll be easier to drag." Ted says, "We should pose him before he stiffens." Dilbert says, "Something obscene?" Alice says, "Or spread eagle, so he won't fit in a casket." Wally lies on the grouns arms and legs wide with his coffe cup pearched on his face and thinks, "It never pays to be the proactive one."