Search Results for "30 years"
Share August 30, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO 9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here." Carol points under her desk and continues, "Then I move them to the magic cylinder." Dibert asks, "The trash can?" Carol answers, "No, it's a magic cylinder. I put my work in there and by morning it's gone." Dilbert says, "I've been giving you my time card for five years." Carol responds, "No one has complained yet." Dilbert walks away thinking, "After today, I am NOT rounding to the nearest fifteen minutes."
Share January 21, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert investments: A co-worker and Dogbert are in a meeting. The co-worker asks Dogbert: "So, you charge a fee every year even if you do nothing?" Dogbert answers: "It takes years of training to know when to do nothing." The co-worker says: "I guess that makes sense." Dogbert hands a sheet of paper to the co-worker and says: "Here's my bill for not removing your tonsils."
Share April 14, 2000's comic on:
Alice says to Dilbert as they walk, "I'd quit this job, but next year I'll get an extra week of vacation." Dilbert replies, "If you get an extra week for every ten years of services..." Dilbert continues, "...you'll be happy in 480 years. Good plan." Alice replies, not humored "Shut up."
Share March 31, 2001's comic on:
CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR: A man sitting across the desk from Catbert says, "... And I have five years experience as a dot-com president." The man listens as Catbert says, "You're in luck. We need someone who can burn through twenty million dollars without making a profit." Catbert grins widely as the man says, "Really? The last nine interviewers said the same thing but they were joking."
Share July 23, 2001's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk with his hands crossed. He says, "Monty. You're not growing into your job as quickly as I hoped." Monty, a monkey in a suit, stands opposite from The Boss, looking grim. The Boss' voice continues, "So I signed you up for an accelerated evolution program. They pack a million years into a two-day class." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard atop a stool and yells to Monty and the monkey behind him as they enter the classroom. He says authoritatively, "Hurry up! We've already lost the opposable thumbs module; let's not lose fire too."
Share August 07, 2001's comic on:
A Hollywood type says into the telephone, "Hello.. Yes, I'd like to buy a rave review for my new movie." Dogbert, on the other end of the line, replies, "Can you afford the 'suspenseful thrill ride' or would you like something more in the 'delightful' price range." The man responds, "I'm releasing it on New Year's Day, Can you give me a price for 'Best Comedy So Far This Year?'"
Share April 02, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, your status report is just a bunch of buzzwords strung together." Wally replies, "I've been giving you that same status report every week for eleven years." Wally continues, "Five years ago you adopted it as our mission statement."
Share April 15, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, "This weekend I cleaned out my tool shed." Alice hits a stop watch, "Click." The Boss asks, "What's that for?" Alice responds, "I keep a running tally of how much of my time you waste." The Boss continues, "...And I thought it was a frozen snake but it was actually a shovel!" Alice looks at her clock and mutters, "Five years, one day."
Share May 23, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Demoted. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Hey buddy, can you teach me to be one of the little people?" Dilbert replies, "Buddy? My name is Dilbert. I worked for you for years." The Boss says, "Okay, now I'll try. Am I doing the eyebrows right?"
Share July 15, 2002's comic on:
Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, our records show that you forward an average of nineteen e-mail jokes per week." Catbert continues, "Each joke goes to 30,000 employees, costing us ten million per year in lost productivity." Catbert concludes, "We plan to blame you when we file for bankruptcy next week." Tina is visibly worried.