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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #blank cd, #demo, #empty case, #forgetting blank cd, #new product, #software, #travel, #travelled four hours, #unit, #once we write, #engineering

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Dilbert approaches a receptionist and says, "I have an appointment to see a demo of your new product." The salesman holds up a box and says to Dilbert, "And the unit will be in a case like this, but completely different, and it will have software, once we write it." Dilbert holds the box and says, "You let me travel four hours to see an empty case?" The salesman replies, "Are you forgetting the blank CD?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2007's comic on:


Tags #eliminated budget, #automated test software, #new code, #automated test, #end any converstaion, #calling person big baby

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Dilbert: "You eliminated the budget for automated test software. How are we going to test our new code?" The Boss: "Go write some automated test software, you big baby. I already pay you, so it's free." Dilbert: "Today I learned I can end any conversation by calling the other person a big baby." Dogbert: "Waa-waa! Do you want your bottle?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #computer programmers, #code mocking, #engineering tradition, #software project, #new engineer, #mock previous engineer, #engineering

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Dilbert: Are you coming to the code mocking? Asok: The what? Dilbert: Code mocking is an engineering tradition. It happens whenever a software project is handed to a new engineer. The new engineer is required to mock the previous engineer's work in a public way. We spectators get to vote on whether the old code is killed or spared. Coworker: Ha ha! His code is hilariously inefficient! Ouch. Chest pain. Dilbert: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Coworker: Gaaa!! The code is offending my engineering sensibilities! It's killing me! Dilbert: I forgot to mention that sometimes the code wins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #fortune, #personally negotiating, #contract, #new era system, #several components, #software, #hardware, #engineering

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The Boss says, "I saved a fortune by personally negotiating the contract for our new ERP system." Dilbert says, "You bought outdated hardware and forgot several components that are required." Dilbert says, "And I like software with my hardware, but that's just me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #obliviousness, #sales personnel, #software, #third party library, #new version, #windows, #engineering

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Dilbert: The software you sold us stopped working after a week. What's up with that? Salesman: We use a third-party library, and it isn't compatible with the new version of Windows. Dilbert: And...? Salesman: We appreciate your business?

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

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Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business, #criminals, #user interface, #software, #lower tax rate, #engineering

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Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #internet & world wide web, #coding, #paywall, #website, #wrote script, #new content, #idea to eliminate, #revenue, #lowered costs, #technology

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Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #design interface, #got out, #hired professional, #international terrorist, #last week, #went to yale, #new employee, #talks with dilbert

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I hired a professional to help us design our product interface." The Boss continues, "His last job was as an international terrorist. It's not a perfect fit but he went to Yale." Dilbert sits at a table and says to the man sitting with him, "So, I hear you went to Yale, Sven." Sven answers, "I yust got out last week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new vp comig, #demo, #holographic inetrface, #everything fine, #product demos, #loyal peon

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Dilbert stands in front of a table with a computer monitor on it. Wally is under the table pretending to be a 3-D interface. The Boss says to Dilbert nervously, "Our new VP is coming. Is the demo of our holographic interface ready?" Dilbert says, "Everything should be fine . . . Unless we're suddenly visited by the dark angel of product demos . . ." Phil appears inside the monitor next to Wally and says, "Hello-o-o, Wally. Did somebody say 'demo?'" Wally looks shocked. Dilbert says to the new VP, "I'm Dilbert; loyal peon."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #software license, #rumble, #prepare for assimilation

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."