Search Results for "prestigious award"
Share November 12, 2003's comic on:
The Boss: Later w'll be joined by the director of the only division thats making a profit. Behold my greatness! Bathe ye all in the pleasure of my general proximity!! I can only stay if you give me an award.
Share January 06, 2004's comic on:
"The expense cutters award goes to Wally for drastically lowering his cell phone bill." "Wally, would you like to say a few words to the group?" "I lost my phone last month. Hey, thanks for the hundred dollars!"
Share February 02, 2005's comic on:
The Boss: This award goes to Asok for his hard work on ... Whatever. Asok: "My dedication has been rewarded! This is the happiest moment of my life!" "Wow! It's lucky that I got a new chair on the same day that mine was stolen."
Share December 29, 2005's comic on:
"The employee of the month is Tina, for all of the um...various work that she does." "You have stripped this award of its meaning by showing that you don't even know what my job is." "It's as if you've never listened to anything I've ever said." "You're welcome!"
Share February 26, 2013's comic on:
Lawyer: A small company is suing us for patent infringement. We'll be fine unless the court somehow finds twelve citizens who aren't smart enough to get out of jury duty yet are inexplicably able to do math. Juror: We recommend an award of whatever the square root of 22 over zero is.
Share October 22, 2009's comic on:
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I want to win a humanitarian award." Dogbert says, "But I don't want to touch anyone who is sick. Or poor. Or unattractive." The Boss says, "Do you want to donate your time or money?" Dogbert says, "I'm hoping to donate your time and the stockholders' money."
Share May 29, 2011's comic on:
Boss: This award goes to Dilbert for coming up with a major fix to our HTML. Dilbert: I didn't do anything like that. You must be thinking of someone else. Do you even know what HTML is? Boss: It's like... a website? Dilbert: So... you're giving an award for something you don't understand... to someone who wasn't involved? Boss: What I meant to say is that I give this award to... Alice... for... what she did. Alice: Yes! Envy me, you stinkin' losers! Boss: I don't know why people say this improves morale. Asok: I fixed the HTML!
Share August 02, 2009's comic on:
The boss says, "I want you three to put together a teamwork award program." Wally says, "If we do a good job, can we give ourselves the award?" The boss says, "No." Alice says, "Great. Now I have no incentive to do a good job on this award thing." The boss says, "Keeping your job should be all the incentive you need." Dilbert says, "Then why does anyone need a teamwork award?" Wally says, "Let's just slap something together and randomly nominate people." Asok says, "I got a teamwork award and yet I feel no different." Dilbert says, "Yup."
Share December 01, 2002's comic on:
The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, research this expense and find out what it's for." Dilbert looks at the paper and says, "It's only $2.37." Dilbert exclaims, "It could take all day to track down!" Dilbert continues, "I'm a highly trained engineer, not a clerk." Dilbert crumples up the paper and exclaims, "How can you justify wasting a valuable employee like me on a trivial task like this?!!" The Boss responds, "That reminds me: your project got canceled. This is your only assignment." The Boss does a dance and exclaims, "Woo-hoo! In your face!!!" As The Boss walks away, he thinks, "I wonder if he'll find out I spent $2.37 on his "kudos" award."
Share August 22, 2013's comic on:
Computer: Dear Wally, You have been nominated for an academy award... for your convincing portrayal of an employee who does actual work. Dilbert: Do you think you'll win? Wally: It's a dishonor just to be nominated.