Failure Comic Strips - Page 4
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Character
97 Results for Failure
View 31 - 40 results for failure comic strips. Discover the best "Failure" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 27,
2008
Tags hold hand, project, work independently, trap, failure or insubordination, hidden camera shows, joke on me
Transcript
The Boss says, "Asok, I won't have time to hold your hand on this project." The Boss says, "You need to work independently." The Boss says, "And by that I mean you should imagine what I would tell you to do, then do it." Asok says, "But... I can only imagine you telling me stupid things." Asok says, "Holy Shiva! This is a trap!" Asok says, "My choices are failure or insubordination." Asok says, "My only hope is that I'm in one of those hidden camera shows and this is all a big joke on me." Dilbert says, "Find anything?" Asok says, "Can't... stop... looking."
Sunday February 04,
2007
Tags assigning balme, eventual failure, wrong vendor, alienate the client, rendered mott, by noncompoops
Transcript
Dogbert: I'd like to kick off the project by assigning blame for its eventual failure. Dilbert: Shouldn't we do that after the project is over? Dogbert: I see no reason to wait. Dilbert: Well...okay. Our boss will make us use the wrong vendor. Wally won't do any work. Alice will alienate the client, and Ted is generally worthless. Dilbert: In summary, my excellent work will be rendered moot by nincompoops. Asok: Do you even work here? Dogbert: No, I was just in the neighborhood.
Sunday July 17,
2005
Tags wrong budget, no probelms, unrealitic, failure, deceptive forecstas, believe the lie, deception, optimism, few hours, perfect budget
Transcript
"This budget would only work if the project encountered no problems whatsoever." "So?" "All projects have unexpected problems. Therefore, this budget is almost certainly wrong." "Leaders do not plan for failure." "Do leaders make deceptive forecasts and later act shocked when things don't work out?" "No." "A leader first makes himself believe the lie, thus turning deception into an inspiring form of optimism. Observe." "GAAA!!! BELIEVE! BELIEVE!" "The swelling will go down in a few hours. Then we'll have a perfect budget." "What?"
Thursday March 27,
2014
Tags efficiency experts, stress, consultant, booze muhkidney, travel work, unhealthy food, total failure, sleepless nights, power point slides, business
Transcript
Consultant: All I do is travel, work, and eat unhealthy food. I'm a total failure at managing my own life, and yet people hire me for business advice. I haven't slept since October. Dilbert: I was told there would be PowerPoint slides. Consultant from Booze Muhkidney
Saturday November 22,
2014
Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else
Tags Advice, bad advice, problem, problems, snag, prodcuts, accept failure, lie, transfer problem, father, old sayings, Family
Transcript
Dilbert:I'm hitting a snag with this RFP because our products don't do what they need. Should I give up and accept failure or lie about our features and transfer the problem to them? Boss: My daddy used to say it isn't a problem if you can give it to someone else. Dilbert: Then he drove you to school?
Thursday November 27,
2014
Planning To Lose
Tags failure, insulting, planning, business plan, plan for failure, losers, angry, same page
Transcript
Dilbert: If our business plan fails, do we have a plan for that? Boss: Only losers plan for failure. Dilbert: I think we're on the same page, but for some reason you're angry about it.
Thursday May 07,
2015
Rewarding Wally's Failures
Tags failure, excuse, laziness, justification, reasoning, excuses
Transcript
Wally: You should be celebrating my failures instead of punishing me for them. Failure is the raw material of success. If I am not failing, it means I am not pushing myself hard enough. Boss: Fine. What have you failed at? Wally: I failed to work on my project this month.
Sunday January 15,
2017
Tags job, scope, negotiating, engineer, demands, failure, stress, business, engineering
Transcript
Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.
Monday July 29,
2019
Can't Succeed Within The Rules
Tags business, failure, managers & supervisors, rules, success
Transcript
dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.
Sunday June 07,
2020
Should Have Done It Sooner
Tags business, dollars, failure, managers & supervisors, patch, payroll, problem, raise, savings, software, technology, years
Transcript
dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.


