Projects Fail Comic Strips - Page 4
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Sitting at his computer, Dilbert thinks to himself "This to-do list will make me more efficient." Dilbert continues thinking to himself, "I have three fake emergencies, two doomed projects, four unnecessary meetings..." At home, Dilbert says to Dogbert "I figured out why you never ask me how my day day went." Dogbert replies, shooing Dilbert away with one hand, "Off you go."
The boss says to Dilbert, "The key to success is to remain optimistic even when you fail." Dilbert says, "What's the point of succeeding if failing feels good too?" The boss says, "I'll read another page of the magazine article tomorrow and get back to you."
The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Here are some projects to finish before your last day." Dilbert responds, "But.. I'll have to interact with people who know I've been downsized." The Boss replies, "Hee Hee!" A coworker mocks Dilbert, "I'll get this information to you right away. Is ninety days soon enough?"
Wally says to The Boss, "Over the past year, most of my coworkers have managed expensive projects that failed." Wally continues, "I've done nothing but drink coffee. So on an economic basis, that makes me your top performer." Wally takes a sip of coffee and says, "Watch and learn."
Dilbert says to a coworker, "And I need a code for charging my project's expenses." The coworker says, "No. I hate your project." Dilbert responds, "It doesn't matter if you hate it. You're just the guy who assigns codes." The coworker motions to the door and says, "Get out of here." Dilbert asks, "Why is everything in this company so freakin' hard?" The coworker replies, "Because of people like you."
Dilbert and his mom are in the kitchen. Dilbert's mom is cooking dinner. She says, "Norma's son finished three projects last year. You only did one." Dilbert's mom continues, "His cubicle is a double-wide. And his CEO once said hi to him in the elevator." Dilbert's mom concludes, "Thanks to you, my 'scrabble' night is a living hell." Dilbert asks, "Do you still use counterfeit vowels?"
Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert's mom asks, "Why have you only finished one project at work this year? Norma's son did three." Dilbert responds, "You can't measure someone's worth by counting the number of projects he does." Dilbert's mom says to her friends, "Maybe we should track R.O.I. instead." One of her friends replies, "Why, because you're losing?"
The Boss puts his arm around Dilbert and says to the meeting, "I asked Dilbert to lead the team in making a computer entirely from recycled paper." Asok exclaims, "Ha Ha Ha!! You are totally doomed to fail!!" Asok says, "Wally is teaching me to find joy in the misery of others." Dilbert turns to Asok and responds, "You're on my project team."
Wally: Is it okay if I take on five new projects and ten deliverables? The Boss: um....okay. My motivational email messages are working, Alice: Can you help... Wally: whoa! don't know how many projects I have?
The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"