Share Knowledge Comic Strips - Page 4
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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert typing at computer terminal. Catbert types, "Consistent with our effort to eliminate privacy and dignity..." Dilbert at his computer terminal reading what Catbert is typing. Catbert's text reads, "...employees must share hotel rooms on all business trips." Catbert at his desk in front of his computer thinking, "After they get used to this, I'll introduce the tandem showering policy."
Dilbert standing next to Wally, who's sitting at his computer terminal. Dilbert says, "Wally, as you know, employees must share hotel rooms at the conference..." Dilbert continues, "So I was wondering if you'd like to...you know...be my roomie." Wally responds, "Sure." Dilbert says, "We'll have to agree on some rules." Wally replies, "I can only spoon on my right."
Caption: Son-of-a-Boss Dilbert, Wally, and Son-of-a-Boss sitting at table. Son-of-a-Boss says, "My complete lack of knowledge has not gone unnoticed." Son-of-a-Boss continues, "I've been promoted to Vice President of Marketing!" Son-of-a-Boss says, "If you feel the need to buy me a gift, I'd love a piano."
Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."
The Boss: Let's each share our accomplishments for the month. Dilbert: To the untrained observer it might seem like I didn't accomplish anything. However, I did strategically "position" my project by socializing it within the company. Dilbert: Then Wally and I help a "tiger team" lock up session. Then I prepared the executive briefing package for the big meeting that got cancelled. Since then Ive spent most if my time looking for the best project management software to use. And I did it all within ten percent of my budget goal, Dilbert: Looking good. Wally: wow all I did was that tiger thing.
Wally: Can we cut this short? Id like to get back to the information superhighway. The Boss: Sure. Im glad we connected you all to the internet so you can share ideas with colleagues. Wally: yeah, thats right, I want to go share ideas with my colleagues. Dilbert: Do people really share ideas with colleagues? Wally: If I get an idea, Im not sharing. Wally: I think I'll channel over to the internet chat area and flirt with college women. Dilbert: Im still reading through five megs of blonde jokes. Dilbert: I wonder if Al Gore has any idea.... Al Gore: Hey Tipper, heres another good one! hee hee!
The Boss stands in front of Alice, Dilbert and Al. He says, "I need to promote one of you to the district manager position." Dilbert, Al and Alice look at the Boss. The Boss says, "Dilbert, your technical knowledge is too valuable to lose." The Boss continues, "Ditto for Alice. Neither of you can be promoted." Dilbert and Alice look angry. The Boss says, "The only logical choice is to promote Al because he has no valuable knowledge." Dilbert replies, "Al??! A director??! He doesn't know what day of the week it is!! The Boss tells Al, "They're just grumpy because it's Monday." Dilbert says, "It's Thursday."
Tags #share accomplishments, #created dcoument, #desktop publishing, #two day class, #digitized photos, #color highlights, #multi column, #clip art, #icons, #visual mosaic, #add topic, #some content, #enjoy work
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments." Dilbert says, "I created a document this week." Dilbert continues, "But THIS is no ordinary document!" Dilbert explains, "I bought a $500 desktop publishing program and took a two-day class to learn it." Dilbert continues, "I incorporated digitized photos and color highlights in a multi-column page layout!" Dilbert continues, "Clip-art icons are sprinkled liberally around the page to form a visual mosaic!" Dilbert continues, "Next week - God willing - I'll add a topic and some content." The Boss says, "Do you remember when I said you should enjoy your work? I didn't mean it." Dilbert says, "Ooh."
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert's mother offers him a cookie and says, "I'll never understand what you do for a living." Dilbert replies, "I told you I'm an engineer, Mom." Dilbert's mom says, "So you say, but you also say you spend all day in meetings. When do you do any engineering?" Dilbert replies, "Good point. Let's just say I'm what the experts call a 'knowledge worker.'" Dilbert's mother asks, "Which experts call it that?" Dilbert replies, "I don't know." Dilbert's mom asks, "What's the name of the product you're working on?" Dilbert responds, "I don't know what the acronym stands for . . ." Mom asks, "What kind of market penetration and return on investment do you expect?" Dilbert says, "Um . . . I don't know . . ." Dilbert's mom says, "Oh, dear . . . Well, I'm sure you're very punctual." Dilbert shouts, "Ask me another question!! C'mon . . ." Dogbert asks, "Why do they call you a 'KNOWLEDGE worker'?"
Wally sticks his head into the boss' office. Wally says, "I'm back from training." Wally says, "I got a big binder." Wally holds out a big book. Wally says, "The training is already forgotten but the binder will last forever." Wally brings the binder to his chest. Wally says, "A living monument to temporary knowledge!" Wally says, "I'll put it in my cubicle with the others." Wally says, "Speaking of my cubicle, which direction is it?" The Boss points. Wally says, "Okay, thanks. That information should be in a binder." Dilbert says, "Did he approve funding for our project?" Wally says, "Not yet. Step one was to free up funds from the training budget."