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Wally: The new guy is a huge weasel. Don't believe anything he says. The Boss: "You say that about all the new hires so they won't seem credible when they complain about you." Wally: "I'll stop doing it when it stops working."
Wally: I hate it when people stop working because it's the day before a holiday. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally: "It cheapens the lack of work that I cultivate year-round." Asok: "I saw the funniest video clip!" Wally: "Tourist!"
The Boss tells Catbert, "My open door policy is ruining my happiness." The Boss continues, "People stop by all day long and complain." The Boss asks, "How can I maintain the morale-inspiring illusion of an open door policy without actually having one?" Catbert responds, "Use your body language to create a protective bubble of unwelcomness." Catbert clenches his teeth and makes a hostile face. He says, "Try this stressed- out scowl." Dilbert asks Carol, "Can I poke my head in?" Carol responds, "Sure. He has an open door policy." Dilbert enters to find both The Boss and Catbert with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "It's a pleasure to see you." Catbert says, "We value your input." Dilbert runs away exclaiming, "Ay-yi-yi-yi!!" The Boss and Catbert poke their heads around the corner, still with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "Stop by any time."
Tags #binge eating, #both mandatory and prohibited, #budget freeze, #corporate communications, #cubicle, #danville font, #danville font software, #department, #negativity, #next evaluation, #non stop sobbing, #approved corporate font, #no eating, #cubicles
The Boss says to Tina, "Tina, you didn't use the approved corporate font." The Boss continues, "Our corporate communications department days we have to use the danville font." Tina replies, "No problem. I'll buy the danville font software today." The Boss says, "There's a budget freeze on software purchases." Tina asks, "So.. the danville font is both mandatory and prohibited?" The Boss says, "Remind me to ding you for negativity on your next evaluation." Tina responds, "I think I'll do some binge eating and non-stop sobbing at my cubicle now." Tina continues, "Unless that's prohibited too." The Boss replies, "No eating in cubicles."
CEO: We need to foster a culture of innovation. Does anyone have an idea how we can do that? Dilbert: You could give us less work and you could stop criticizing every idea we have. CEO: Does anyone have a suggestion that isn't ridiculous?
CEO: The key to success is to follow your instinct. Alice: My instinct tells me to slap you until you stop babbling nonsense. CEO: Please don't do that. Alice: Relax. I have a good feeling about it.
Dilbert yelling: dogbert! can you keep down the noise while i'm on zoom! dogbert standing on chair: i'm on a zoom call too. your call isn't more important than mine! dilbert speaking to his laptop: sorry, i can't stop the background noise. dogbert yelling from another room: can you keep it down in there? i'm on a zoom call.
Dilbert says, "In this country, it is customary to respond to a question with somehting called an 'answer.'" Dilbert says, "Your approach is more like what I would expect to see if clothing were used as bags for meat." Dilbert says, "Now I will ask my question a seventh time..." The Boss says, "Stop saying what you're thinking."