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Dogbert, who is wearing a turban, says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Nostradogbert predicts that the world will end within a hundred billion years." Bob says, "That's a big range." Dogbert says, "We in the business call it the 'Gross Prophet Margin.'" Bob says, "Oh yeah, I've heard of that."
An elf says to three other elves, "I say we elves have been pushed around too long!" The elf says, "Let's use our elf magic to conquer the world!!" Another elf replies, "Yeah! Elf magic!" An elf holds a deck of playing cards and says to Dogbert, "C'mon, pick a card - any card!! And this time be serious!!" Dogbert says, "I'll take the forty-three of clubs."
Dogbert and a robot sit at the table. Dogbert says, "We need a name for you." The robot replies, "I don't deserve a name." The robot continues, "Everything that's wrong with the world is my fault. I rue the day I was created." Dogbert says, "I name you 'Ruebert.'" The robot replies, "Aaagh! People will spell it wrong and it's my fault!!"
Dilbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Ratbert walks in and says, "I'm having a crisis of self image." Ratbert asks, "Do I, as a rat, add any value to the world? Or do I simply deplete its resources, then die?" The musical notes coming from the radio stick to Ratbert's body. He says, "Oh . . . Sorry . . . I sucked all the music out of the room."
A newsreporter wearing a trenchcoat says into a microphone, "This man used his supercomputer to predict the future of the world." The reporter holds the microphone out and Dilbert says, "Within five years, evil squirrels will conquer the world and make us all slaves in their nut mines." The reporter says, "The squirrels should love this guy." Dilbert adds, "It's based on actual math."
Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."
A television news reporter says into her microphone, "The leaders of the world met today to consider the demands of Dogbert the Space Alien." At the United Nations, a world leader says, "All in favor of letting the alien run the world raise your hand." The caption says, "Meanwhile in the translators' booth, a reckless prank is being played." Three translators with headsets sit at a table. One translator says, "He says, 'Who wants my parking space by the elevator?'"
A school teacher says to a classroom of children, "Dilbert has agreed to talk to the class about exciting careers in the field of engineering!" Dilbert says to the students, "There's more to being an engineer than just writing technical memos that nobody reads." Dilbert continues, "Once in a while, somebody reads one. Then you have to find a scapegoat, or use some vacation time and hope it all blows over."
Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."
Dogbert stands on the desk chair working on the computer. Ratbert asks, "Aren't you afraid that if you continue as leader of the nerds, you will become a nerd yourself?" Dogbert answers, "No, because you can't become a nerd unless you have a genetic predisposition toward it." Dilbert enters the room and says, "Look! I added an emergency backup pocket!" Dogbert says to Ratbert, "See? You can't learn that stuff in computer class."