Animal Testing Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dogbert says, "Your Chihuahua disguise is good, Ratbert, but you must also learn to THINK like a Chihuahua." Dogbert continues, "To think like a Chihuahua, imagine the sound of one hand clapping." Ratbert yells, "Ouch! I sprained my brain! Yip yip yip yip yip!!!" Dogbert says, "Good, good . . ."
Man: Hey, aren't you one of those chihuahua dogs? Ratbert: The disguise is working. Man: Unless... Maybe you're just a rat in a turtleneck sweater, pretending to be a chihuahua. Ratbert: Think fast. Man: I don't have the attention span to think about it. Ratbert: What did he mean by, "just a rat"?
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and a man sit at a conference table. Dilbert asks Wally, "Any luck trying to get fired?" Wally replies, "No . . But I'll get that severance package yet." Wally continues, "This morning I Krazy-glued farm animals to the Boss, but he STILL won't deal with all the bureaucracy to fire me." The Boss has a chicken glued to his head and a pig and a cow glued to each arm. The Boss says, "The staff meeting may run a little long today."
Dilbert lies on a couch and a therapist sits next to the couch taking notes. Dilbert says, ". . . My dog started charging me to pet him . . ." Dilbert continues, "I haven't hugged Mom since I was twelve . . . My dates are always disasters . . . I just need to touch somebody." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Good session, Doc. Thanks." The psychologist says, "Nice try."
Ratbert sits on a lab bench and asks a man in a lab coat, "What product are we testing today, Doc?" The doctor replies, "We'll be testing the safety of cosmetics. This will be your most dangerous assignment." Ratbert walks outdoors wearing eye makeup and blush. People yell, "Hey baby!!" and "Whoa!! Whoa!!" Ratbert thinks, "Sometimes I hate this job."
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on a stone wall. Ratbert says, "All week I've been watching violent movies at the lab." Ratbert continues, "A group of parents are studying me to see if I become inured to violence." Dogbert asks, "Are you?" Ratbert replies, "Yeah. I'm planning to gnaw the parents to death tomorrow."
Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert listens as a patient says, "We have a running fight over how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste." A man who is sitting next to a woman who looks like a pig says, "I like to squeeze it from the bottom. She prefers to empty the tube on the rug and roll around in it." Dogbert asks, "At night, does she 'hog' the blankets and snort?" The man replies, "Wow, it's like you know her."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert enters and says, "I'm testing my theory that good advertising can sell anything." Dogbert continues, "So I asked myself 'What is the thing LEAST desired on earth?'" A woman looks at a billboard with Dilbert's picture on it. The billboard says, "Ladies! Date a Dilbert call 510-803-9338. Quantities are limited." The woman says, "Hmm . . ."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "You've never accepted me in your family because I'm a little rat." Ratbert continues, "But I'll be testing a drug at the lab that will change that. No more little rat." Dilbert asks, "You won't be a rat?" Ratbert replies, "Don't tell me it's the 'rat' part that bothers you . . ."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Ratbert sits on the hassock. Ratbert says, "I'm testing a growth formula at the lab." Dilbert replies, "I'm so happy. I've often thought that the only thing better than a rat in the house is a GIANT rat in the house." Ratbert says, "Yesterday I would have been miffed at your sarcasm. But that wouldn't be 'big' of me." Dilbert says, "Better yet, a giant, WITTY rat."