Cubicle Fire Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dilbert and Wally watch the Boss tell Ed, "Nervous Ed, I'm assigning you to a special project." Nervous Ed pulls his tie and replies, "Special assignment? That means you don't have any real work for me." Nervous Ed continues, "Everybody knows that a special assignment is a kiss of death." The Boss continues, "You'll be sharing a cubicle with six other employees who are also on special assignment." Nervous Ed looks scared and thinks, "Don't panic yet . . . Maybe it's something important . . . Maybe it's something that could make an impact." The Boss says, "Your assignment is to improve employee empowerment." Nervous Ed looks shocked. Nervous Ed convulses and faints. Wally tells the Boss, "Thanks for letting us watch." The Boss asks, "Did you like the part about six in the cubicle?"
A man says to Dilbert and Wally, "Next week I'll be at my new job, reaping huge rewards." Wally replies, "We're so happy for you." The man says, "But I'll still have a little cubicle like yours." The man continues, "The only difference being that I'll keep a pony there. That way it's close to my office."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."
The instructor says to Dilbert, "I don't think you're ready." The man continues, "Fire-walking requires complete confidence. Anything less could be dangerous." Dilbert says, "I'm just chilly." Dilbert's pants are rolled up and he has socks on his feet. The instructor says, "Fine . . . Do it with your socks on."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I made it through the fire-walking seminar uninjured by wearing asbestos lined socks." Dilbert continues, "People always laughed because I lined my undergarments with asbestos - but who's laughing NOW?" Dogbert asks, "Have you always feared your butt would catch on fire?" Dilbert replies, "It's not the kind of thing you leave to chance."
Carol: I sit innocently in my low-wall clerical style cubicle. Man: One copy, no staple. Carol: Men with Ivy-league degrees walk past the copier and ask me to make copies. I am a secretary with a crossbow.
Dilbert says to the Boss, "My chair is broken and the warehouse is out of 'engineer chairs.'" Dilbert continues, "And since I'm . . . You know . . . Empowered, I thought I might order a 'manager chair' for the time being." Dilbert asks, "I've over-stepped my authority, haven't I?" The Boss replies, "Next you'll want a screen door on your cubicle."
Dilbert sneaks into a cubicle and thinks, "If the warehouse won't replace my broken chair, I'll just take one from somebody else." Dilbert reaches for a chair and thinks, "Technically, it's not stealing because the chair belongs to the company either way." Dilbert thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Phil the Ruler of Heck stands behind Dilbert and says into a walkie-talkie, "Hold the elevator . . . Over."
Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Today you will learn how to deal with people who have personality defects." The caption says, "Case 1: Todd laughs nervously at every one of his own comments." Todd says, "Don't hold it against me! Hee hee!" The caption says, "Remedy: Todd must be relocated to a distant planet." A space shuttle leaves a planet. On the planet's surface, Todd says, "It sure is lonely! Hee hee! The caption says, "Case 2: Allen stares at you like a zombie for long periods before responding to questions." The caption says, "Remedy: Allen must be paired with Virginia (Case 3) who fills all quiet spots with inane chatter." Dogbert pushes Virgina toward Allen. The caption says, "Case 4: Matt speaks slowly about amazingly boring topics." Matt says, "I . . . ate . . . a . . . pickle . . ." The caption says, "Remedy: Matt's head can be outfitted with a reading stand." A man reads a book that rests on Matt's head. Matt says, "I . . . like . . . pickles . . ." The caption says, "Case 5: An engineer. Remedy: Very quietly seal him in his own cubicle." Dogbert builds a brick wall in the door of Dilbert's cubicle.
dilbert: I'm going to defy the cubicle gestapo and keep this plastic plant on my desk. Im a rebel...Im evil. My anti perspirant is breaking down! Dilbert: Sometimes a man has to take a stand. Dogbert: could he stand someplace else?