Dumpy White Guy Section Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dilbert sits at his desk and says to Dogbert, "I heard you closed your school for self-service gas station attendants." Dogbert says, "It didn't work out." Dogbert continues, "I was teaching the section on refolding maps . . . Frustrations were high . . . At first, the paper cuts were minor, but panic swept the room." Dilbert asks, "Well, how bad could . . ." Dogbert says, "They're all dead . . ."
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to introduce the new guy to everybody." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." The Boss walks away thinking, "This way I never have to learn their names." Dilbert tells the new guy, "The first stop on our odyssey is Bud." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Bud, this is the new guy, and vice versa." The new guy smiles. Bud looks up from the newspaper and says, "What's this?! Another pink-bottomed, Ivy League, management 'trainee'?!" Bud shouts, "In MY day, you had to start at the bottom . . . And by golly, you STAYED there!!" The new guy asks, "How long have you worked here?" Bud replies, "A week . . . This happens pretty quickly."
Dogbert sits at the desk typing. Dilbert asks, "What are you working on?" Dogbert replies, "I'm writing my own encyclopedia to sell for large profits." Dilbert asks, "How could you write an entire encyclopedia by yourself?" Dogbert replies, "It's abridged. I had to cut some corners to get it all in five pages." Dilbert says, "Five pages?! You condensed the history and knowledge of the world into five pages?!!" Dogbert replies, "Actually, it's mostly about me . . . The other stuff didn't seem important." Dogbert continues, "But I threw in some stuff about Canada to make it seem thorough." Dilbert reads, "'Canada has trees.'" Dogbert says, "I'll have to tighten that section a bit."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and a woman, "I'm discontinuing the employee drug testing program . . ." The Boss shows Dilbert a document and says, "Because my own tests keep turning out positive . . . Which makes me suspect that some wise guy has tampered with the medical computer." Dilbert says, "Denial and paranoia . . . Classic symptoms." Wally asks, "Is he 'high' right now?"
A man tells the Boss, "You should have seen that fish . . ." The Boss holds his arms out and says, "That's nothing, compared to the fish I . . ." Dilbert walks around the corner. The Boss says, "Hi, Dilbert." Dilbert sees his outstretched arms and thinks, "He wants to hug me. That's strange. Okay, I'm a Nineties guy." Dilbert hugs him and says, "Hi, Boss." The Boss and the other man look shocked. Dilbert thinks, "Now I'll have to hug this guy so it doesn't seem awkward." Dilbert hugs the man and says, "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I'm glad we've outgrown the uptight Eighties."
The caption says, "Dilbert is chosen to have lunch with an executive." Dilbert sits at the table wearing a suit jacket. The executive says, "I want you to know that I'm just a normal guy . . ." The executive continues, "Oh, sure, I make a little more money, and I have a nice office . . ." The executive continues, "And of course, I'm much, much smarter."
A woman holding a cocktail glass says to another woman, "Uh-oh . . . That guy is coming to talk to us." Dilbert thinks, "I hate this long walk across the room." The woman says, "You're the ugly one, Edna. You'll have to protect me." Dilbert thinks, "They spotted me. They're planning a defense." The woman says to Edna, "I'll push you between us. You start babbling about your cat or something." Dilbert thinks, "I can't do it. I'll veer off at the last minute . . ." The woman shouts, "Now, Edna!" and pushes her. Edna falls and Dilbert trips over her. The woman thinks, "It's hard to be the pretty one." From the floor, Edna says, "I have a cat named Boots."
Dilbert leans against the hassock looking at a yearbook. Dilbert says, "This high school yearbook really brings back the memories." Dilbert shows Dogbert the yearbook and says, "There's Dopey Bobby Noober. Every day we'd tie him to the flagpole and stuff live frogs in his pants." Dogbert asks, "Where is he now?" Dilbert replies, "He's still the principal . . . Not the happiest guy I've ever known."
Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant by himself. He looks at his watch and says, "She's an hour late." A woman approaches the table. Dilbert says, "Hi, Ellen. Didn't we agree on seven?" Ellen replies, "Hi, Dilbert." Ellen says, "I was ready on time but I decided to shampoo my carpets." Ellen continues, "Then I got involved in a crossword puzzle." Ellen explains, "This is how attractive people assert their superiority over the rest of you." Ellen continues, "Don't take it personally. I have a complete disregard for the feelings of all ugly people." Ellen continues, "I'll make this adorable face and you'll go into a stunned-ugly-guy stupor and forget the whole thing." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . What were we talking about?" Ellen says, "You were explaining why you didn't bring me any flowers."
The janitor says to Dilbert, who has fallen asleep on his desk, "Hey, mister, wake up!" Dilbert picks his head up and says, "Huh?" The janitor says, "It was all a dream! You're not a dumpy engineer -- you're really a playboy millionaire movie star!!" Dilbert says, "I . . . I am??" The janitor says as he walks away, "I love being the night janitor." Dilbert asks, "Then why do I dress like this?"