Fair Share Price Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dogbert says to the members of a jury, "Yes, my client did accidentally slay a 'temp' worker . . . Emphasis on 'TEMP.'" Dogbert asks, "But who among us can say they haven't slain innocent people when the situation called for it?" The judge replies, "I can." Dogbert says, "Well, great . . . So much for getting a fair trial."
Dogbert sits at his desk reading the newspaper. Dogbert says, "What?? The presidents of other companies make way more money than I do!!" Dogbert continues, "I'd better make some short-sighted cuts. That should raise our stock price and make my stock options worth millions." The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, ". . . All business trips are one-way from now on . . . And you're all required to take a trip this afternoon."
Dilbert and Dogbert stand under a basketball hoop. Dilbert says, "You might as well admit I'm a better basketball player, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "Never!" Dogbert jumps into the air holding the ball. Dogbert flies over Dilbert's head. Dilbert shouts, "No fair! You're hovering!" Dogbert replies, "It's just the illusion of 'hang time.' I learned it from Michael Jordan." Dogbert floats toward the rim and says, "It's a combination of great leaping skill plus the way I move my legs." Dogbert dunks the ball. Dilbert points to Dogbert, who hovers in midair. Dilbert says, "There! Right there! That's definitely hovering!!!" Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch wearing goggles and gloves. Dilbert says, "I think you tampered with the virtual reality program!" Dogbert says, "Play the game."
Dilbert: The pheremone cologne is making women desire me physically but they can't reconcile it mentally. women: NNNO Dilbert: It isn't fair...I'll have to wash the cologne off... dilbert: Right after my aerobics class.
The Boss: "We must constantly ask ourselves what we can do to delight our customers." Alice: "We could stop having these meetings, fire everybody in the room and lower the prices of our products." The Boss: "I was thinking more alone the lines of a slogan." Wally: "How about, 'we waste your money'?"
The Boss: Your performance this year was 'fair'. But I'll raise your appraisal to "excellent" if you'll eat a bug. Wally: Say what? The Boss: eat a bug. The Boss: I didn't have much luck with the other management techniques so Im kinda winging it now. Wally:Do i get to pick the bug? The boss: Its way more motivational if I pick the bug. Dilbert: How did your evaluation go? Wally: MXLT Next! Dilbert: Do I get a bun? The boss: You guys are never happy.
"What makes these a 'value'?" "Value priced lottery tickets" "They're half the normal price, and yet the chance of winning is only one in ten million less." "Hey! This is for yesterday's lottery!" "And your point is...?
The Boss: Let's each share our accomplishments for the month. Dilbert: To the untrained observer it might seem like I didn't accomplish anything. However, I did strategically "position" my project by socializing it within the company. Dilbert: Then Wally and I help a "tiger team" lock up session. Then I prepared the executive briefing package for the big meeting that got cancelled. Since then Ive spent most if my time looking for the best project management software to use. And I did it all within ten percent of my budget goal, Dilbert: Looking good. Wally: wow all I did was that tiger thing.
Wally: Can we cut this short? Id like to get back to the information superhighway. The Boss: Sure. Im glad we connected you all to the internet so you can share ideas with colleagues. Wally: yeah, thats right, I want to go share ideas with my colleagues. Dilbert: Do people really share ideas with colleagues? Wally: If I get an idea, Im not sharing. Wally: I think I'll channel over to the internet chat area and flirt with college women. Dilbert: Im still reading through five megs of blonde jokes. Dilbert: I wonder if Al Gore has any idea.... Al Gore: Hey Tipper, heres another good one! hee hee!