Least Valuable Asset Comic Strips - Page 4

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184 Results for Least Valuable Asset

View 31 - 40 results for least valuable asset comic strips. Discover the best "Least Valuable Asset" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #zimbu the monkey

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Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey sit across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I've got to cut staff in engineering. I'm trying to determine which one of you is more valuable to keep." The Boss says, "I've been hearing good things about Zimbu the Monkey. Which one of you is Zimbu the Monkey?" Dilbert and Zimbu both raise their hands. Dilbert thinks, "This is not the proudest moment of my professional career."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #juan, #hr

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock holding a stack of documents. Dogbert says, "I'm building a permanent file of all the stupid things you say." Dilbert replies, "At least it's only a few pages long." Dogbert says, "This is just the table of contents." Dogbert continues, "The full database will be compressed on CD ROMS." Dogbert points to a man and says, "I hired Juan and his crew to design the system and type in the data." Juan says, "We're working overtime." Juan continues, "The new computer center is done . . . We had to level the neighbor's garage." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "By any chance, are you still upset that I asked you to fetch my slippers?" Dogbert asks Juan, "Did you get that one?" Juan writes on his clipboard and replies, "I'll need to hire more people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #Wally, #the boss, #worklife balance

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I just realized I can double your workload and there's nothing you can do about it." The Boss continues, "You're lucky to have jobs in today's economy! You'll gladly sacrifice your personal lives for no extra pay!" Dilbert replies, "But at least our hard work will lead to promotion opportunities." The Boss says, "You're so cute. I wish I had a camera right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #conquer, #building, #Religion, #life, #calculate, #spreadsheet, #law, #students, #zero, #bar

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "I can't decide if it would be better to conquer the world by building an army or starting a religion." Dilbert asks, "Which one would have the least loss of life?" Dogbert replies, "That's what I'm trying to calculate on this spreadsheet." Dilbert asks, "Why are you counting law students as two-tenths of a person?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't drop to zero until they pass the bar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #organization chart, #management, #bottom, #most important employees, #payed least, #upside down chart

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The Boss: We've redesigned the organization chart to show management at the BOTTOM supporting our most important employees! Dilbert: Question: why do the most important employees get payed the least? The Boss; Because they would never think of ideas like this upside- down chart concept.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #potluck lunch, #bring bags, #salt, #ice, #beverage, #mineral water

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Alice: We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up. Twelve people signed up to bring bags of ice and one person is bringing slat. I need one of you at least bring a beverage. Wally: Put me down for one bag of sparkling mineral water.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #voice controlled computer, #envious, #mouse driven, #color printer denied, #delete a file, #curses

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wally: "?" Dilbert: "Expand...window." Wally: "Well, look who got a voice-controlled computer." Dilbert: "Insert...column." wally: "If I were a lesser engineer I might be envious." dilbert: "Add...row." Wally: "I don't mind using my prehistoric mouse-driven computer." "And I'm not bitter about my request for a color printer being denied." "At least I won't work all day then accidently..." "DELETE...A FILE!!" Dilbert: "#!@%%&" Wally: "Please...not in front of the computer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #promote district manager, #technical knowledge, #valuable, #no promotions, #promote al, #no knowledge al, #grumpy

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The Boss stands in front of Alice, Dilbert and Al. He says, "I need to promote one of you to the district manager position." Dilbert, Al and Alice look at the Boss. The Boss says, "Dilbert, your technical knowledge is too valuable to lose." The Boss continues, "Ditto for Alice. Neither of you can be promoted." Dilbert and Alice look angry. The Boss says, "The only logical choice is to promote Al because he has no valuable knowledge." Dilbert replies, "Al??! A director??! He doesn't know what day of the week it is!! The Boss tells Al, "They're just grumpy because it's Monday." Dilbert says, "It's Thursday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bring strangers in, #test product, #strangers are stupid, #good candy

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The Boss, Dilbert and a man with an eye patch sit at a conference table. The man says, "Sure, we could bring some strangers in to test out product for ease of use . . ." The man continues, "But that could take all afternoon and cost at least a hundred dollars." The man continues, "And all it proves is strangers are stupid." The Boss says, "Sometimes they have good candy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #voicemail, #Wally, #simple incompetence, #preview, #sinister, #defensive strategy, #incomplete answers, #over worked, #irrational, #asking questions, #recount war stories, #thwart me, #team up

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Dilbert stands next to Wally's desk and says, "Wally, you never really answered the question I left on your voicemail." Dilbert asks, "Is this a case of simple incompetence or a preview of something far more sinster?" Wally replies, "It's the sinister one." Wally explains, "I've adopted a defensive strategy. I'm withholding information to make myself appear more valuable." Wally continues, "Now I only return phone calls late at night and leave incomplete answers." Wally continues, "In person, I act overworked and irrational so people stop asking questions." Wally continues, "If cornered, I sigh deeply and recount old war stories that don't relate to the question." Wally concludes, "No co-worker can thwart me!" Dilbert asks, "What if they team up?" Behind Wally's back, Alice reaches over the wall and grabs Wally's CPU. She thinks, "Got it!"