Maintenance Agreement Comic Strips - Page 4

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48 Results for Maintenance Agreement

View 31 - 40 results for maintenance agreement comic strips. Discover the best "Maintenance Agreement" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #talking, #vendor, #pitching, #idea, #praying, #agreeing, #begging, #promises, #ridiculous

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Man says, "We have the best hidden costs of any vendor." Man says, "Our upgrade and maintenance fees won't kick in until you've already received a bonus for reducing costs." Man thinks, "Please, please, please be a sociopath." Wally says, "Sounds good. I'm not a big fan of our stockholders."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beta test, #meeting, #face front, #impractical maintenance requirement, #lube, #bear's ear, #warrant, #product, #legal, #shake fist, #justice, #sick, #hand to mouth, #shake, #throw up, #business, #medical

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The Boss says, "The beta test went well. Thank you, Dilbert." The Boss says, "Now I'll have Tina add an impractical maintenance requirement to the manual and we're ready to go." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "It's standard procedure." The Boss says, "Say the user needs to lube the product ten time a day with the wax from a bear's ear." The Boss says, "And say the warranty is voided if the device isn't properly maintained." Dilbert says, "Is that legal?" The Boss says, "It's better than legal." The Boss says, "We're using the law to keep justice away!!" Dilbert says, "I feel sick." The Boss says, "That's how you know it's working."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lawyers & attorneys, #legal advice, #chain reaction, #future visionary leader not being born, #maintenance agreement, #stabbing gandhi

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Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I need your legal advice." Lawyer says, "There's a risk that this could cause a chain reaction that results in a future visionary leader not being born." Dilbert says, "It's just a maintenance agreement." Lawyer says, "It's like stabbing Gandhi."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cats & kittens, #computer software, #contracts, #harvest organs, #signed, #software services, #save lives

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Carol says, "There's a guy in the lobby who says he's here to harvest your organs." Carol says, "Apparently, you signed a software services agreement without fully understanding it." Dilbert says, "Well, at least I can save lives." Carol says, "He said something about his cat's birthday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #joking, #agenda, #know anything, #important he is, #like his jokes, #late for dinner, #jokes, #table, #meeting, #laughter, #business

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Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #machinery, #office equipment, #software maintence, #indispensible, #zeberpupin system

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Wally: I successfully installed a software maintenance patch to the Zeberpupin System. I'd show you, but it's just a bunch of zeroes and ones. The word you're trying to think of is "indispensable."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #maintenance plan, #managers & supervisors, #over budget, #take chances, #business

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Dilbert: Should we buy the maintenance plan or just take our chances? What do you prefer? Boss: I prefer to punish you for buying the maintenance plan and going over budget, but I also don't mind firing you for not buying it if we later need it. Which one of us has a better job?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #committees, #frustration, #agreement with plan

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The Noncommittal Committee Dilbert: Does everyone agree with the plan? Woman 1: It depends. Man 1: Ask me later. Man 2: Eh. Woman 2: I'll think about it. Dilbert: Make a decision!!! Voice: Is this your first day?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #non disclosure agreement, #disbelief, #wrong person, #mighty judgy, #so many secrets

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Man: I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement before we start. Wally: We don't need that because no one believes a word I say anyway. Man: Maybe I'm meeting with the wrong person. Wally: You're mighty judgy for a guy with so many secrets.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #change recommendation, #approval, #feel ownership, #feel you own me, #ignorant decisions, #more clear, #agreement, #business

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Boss: Change your recommendation to the opposite of what you wrote and send it to me for approval. Dilbert: Why do I need approval for the thing you just approved? Boss: I want you to feel some ownership. Dilbert: I already feel that you own me. Boss: I mean that I want you to feel ownership of the recommendation. Dilbert: How can I feel ownership of your ignorant decisions? Boss: By getting my approval for them. I can't be more clear. Dilbert: At least we agree on that.