Scientific Equipment Comic Strips - Page 4
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58 Results for Scientific Equipment
View 31 - 40 results for scientific equipment comic strips. Discover the best "Scientific Equipment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 01,
2008
Tags behind schedule, defective equipment, improbable event, reliable vendor, sales guy, golfing, bought hat, impossible boss, on the hook
Transcript
The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise because your project is behind schedule." Dilbert says, "That's because the vendor delivered defective equipment." The Boss says, "It is your job to anticipate that sort of problem and head it off." Dilbert says, "It isn't possible to anticipate and head off every improbable event." The Boss says, "Well, you could have picked a more reliable vendor." Dilbert says, "You told me to use this vendor because the sales guy took you golfing and bought you a hat." The Boss says, "Well, you should have seen that coming and burned down all hat factories a year ago." Dilbert says, "He would have bribed you another way." The Boss says, "That's what lazy people say."
Friday July 17,
2009
Tags asking, laptop, equipment, refusal, ridicule, evil, cruel
Transcript
Mordac, the preventer of information services. Asok says, "May I use this laptop that no one else is using?" Mordac says, "No, but you can have my old pizza box while you waterboard yourself in your own tears." Asok says, "I guess that's better than nothing." Mordac says, "Really? In that case you can't have it."
Friday April 16,
2010
Tags nose job, homeopathy, art department, annoyed, irrational, hurt feelings, scorpios, horoscope, astrologer, mean, insult, snout, dog nose
Transcript
Asok in the art department Man says, "Maybe you could try homeopathy to fix your botched nose job." Asok says, "Maybe you could try homeopathy to fix your irrational belief in things that have no scientific basis." Man says, "You sort of hurt my feelings there." Asok says, "Didn't your astrologer warn you about Scorpios?"
Sunday June 12,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, machinery, office equipment, prototype, traffic, traffic load test, ask lab, didn't ask lab
Transcript
Boss: Did you ask the lab if they have a way to test traffic loads on our prototype? Dilbert: I met with them for an hour and explained that we need traffic load tests. Boss: But you didn't actually ask if they could do the tests? Dilbert: Well... no... but... it's their job to do the tests. And they would have mentioned it if they didn't have a way to do it. Boss: But you didn't ask. Dilbert: That was the context of the meeting. If they couldn't do that sort of test they would have mentioned it sometime during our hour together. Boss: Maybe you should ask. Dilbert: Gaa!! Okay! I'll ask! Are you freakin' kidding me?!! Man: I wondered why you didn't ask.
Sunday July 24,
2011
Tags gadgets, scientific equipment, data center, lights out, eliminate problems, moving cables, power cords, ruining everything, speakerphone, humans are germs, science
Transcript
Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.
Tuesday September 27,
2011
Tags internet & world wide web, office equipment, public speaking, ordinary powerpoint, portal, another dimension, fantasy, reality, trade places, slides
Transcript
Dilbert: This might look like an ordinary Powerpoint slide. But it is actually a portal to another dimension in which fantasy and reality have traded places. Boss: Stop playing with my slides. Dilbert: Beware the horned beast that crosses over.
Wednesday September 28,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, office equipment, questioning, wise garbageman, powerpoint slides, only delicious, small does, analogy, works for flies
Transcript
Dilbert: Wise garbage man, tell me why Powerpoint slides are so boring. Garbageman: Powerpoint is a lot like garbage. It's only delicious in small doses. Too much can kill you. Dilbert: That analogy only works for flies. Garbageman: Oooh. Look who thinks she's better than flies.
Sunday October 02,
2011
Tags annoyance, computers & peripherals, office equipment, servers down, holdup, iterated by idiot, guard door, don't see guy
Transcript
Boss: The servers are down. Dilbert: I know. Boss: You should do something about it. Dilbert: I'm trying. Boss: What's the holdup? Dilbert: I keep getting interrupted by an unhelpful idiot. Boss: Maybe I can help. I'll guard your doorway and keep that guy away from you. This is boring. And I don't see that guy. Have I managed enough for now? Dilbert: You nailed it.
Monday November 21,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, machinery, office equipment, software maintence, indispensible, zeberpupin system
Transcript
Wally: I successfully installed a software maintenance patch to the Zeberpupin System. I'd show you, but it's just a bunch of zeroes and ones. The word you're trying to think of is "indispensable."
Friday January 27,
2012
Tags benefits of personhood, chemical nutrients, death & dying, inventions, petri dish, robot, scientific equipment, skin cells, sneezes, science
Transcript
Wally: Before I die, I plan to put some of my skin cells in a petri dish with chemical nutrients and store it inside a robot. By law, I will still be alive as long as any part of my body is functioning. My robot will enjoy the full benefits of personhood. My robot and I will live forever! Dilbert: Until it sneezes you out.


