dilbert: i got feedback on the proposed package design. our vp of sales says if we go with this design, he will "jump off the roof."
alice: is he crazy or just good at selling?
dilbert: no way to tell.
alice: i forwarded your email to ted.
Dilbert shaken: WHAT!!! i said bad things about ted! that was a private email to you!
alice: he needed to know.
dilbert yelling: he did not need to know!
boss: okay, that's all for today unless anyone has a question.
alice, boss & dilbert thinking: please let it end. please let it end. please let it end.
co-worker: what's the company vision?
unison: GAAA!!!
boss, alice and dilbert wearing face masks.
boss: i have been unjustly accused of being a white supremacist, and my boss just fired me for it. alice is the obvious choice to take my job, so i assume you will hear something on that soon. i wish i knew who had the motive to start that rumor and get me fired.
alice: i finished the data throughput tests, but the results are not credible because of a problem with the test.
boss: does the non-credible data make us look good?
alice: yes.
boss: our name for that kind of data is "credible."
Boss: I have a great idea. Let's create a google document that we can all update.
Dilbert: That is exactly the idea I suggested to you yesterday.
Boss: You can't prove that.
Dilbert: That was only true until I learned to wear a wire.
Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late.
Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad?
Dilbert: That's how the truth works.
Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident.
Alice: Why? We already have one of you.
Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.
Alice wearing face mask: can I borrow your stapler?
Dilbert wearing face mask: not with your bare hands. but i can wrap it in plastic and leave a hole for the staples to come out.
Alice: maybe you can just lend me a paper clip.
dilbert: i'll throw it to you.
alice: i have a doctor appointment.
boss: what's wrong with you?
alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life!
boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees?
catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.
