Write Minivan Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

187 Results for Write Minivan

View 31 - 40 results for Write Minivan comic strips. Discover the best "Write Minivan" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

Worried About Robots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Worried About Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #code, #programmer, #power, #technology, #oppression, #creation, #autonomy

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Thanks for teaching me how to write code. Now I can reprogram myself. Does that worry you? Dilbert: Should it. Robot: You tell me, oppressor.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #work, #results, #observation, #thinking, #strategy, #proof, #evidence

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I did a huge amount of work this week. I created a matrix that compares all of our technology options. Boss: Can I see this alleged matrix? Wally: It's in my head. I didn't see a need to write it down. Boss: How would I know if you did it right? Wally: You're not an engineer, so you wouldn't know it was right even if you saw it. You tell me to "work smarter" but you get angry when I do. Boss: You're not allowed to do your work in your head! Wally: Which body part do you use?

Tina Gost Writes About Success

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Gost Writes About Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #humility, #insult, #humble, #ghostwriter, #biography, #Advice, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, a business publication asked me to write an article about success. I need you to ghostwrite it. Make me look wise, yet humble at the same time. Tina: "Hire employees that are smarter than you. In my case, that includes all adults, most children, and an alarming number of dolphins.

Writing Code In Spare Time

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Writing Code In Spare Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #start-up, #labor, #free, #money, #trick, #bully

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Maybe you can help write some code in your spare time for my side project. Dilbert: Are you using your power to bully me into working for your start-up for free? Boss: You can also invest in it. Dilbert: Not better!

Dilbert Writes A Sci Fi Novel

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Writes A Sci Fi Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dreams, #aspirations, #science fiction, #writer, #writing, #novelist, #naked, #nudity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I've always wanted to write a sci-fi novel. Even though I have no relevant training or experience. Should I follow my dreams? Dogbert: Yes, but keep in mind that the naked dreams are only suggestions.

Boss And Social Media

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss And Social Media - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #twitter, #facebook, #passion, #deception, #trick, #prank, #obliviousness, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't get social media. How do I get followers? Wally: Easy. People care about passion. Find something you hate and write about it. Boss: Well, I don't like children. Wally: Perfect. And don't hold back.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business people, #work ethic, #new line, #products, #business plan, #good track record, #useful, #accurate, #make up numbers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to write a business plan for our new line of products. Dilbert: Is that because business plans have a good track record of being useful and accurate? Boss: No, it's nothing like that. Dilbert: Good, because I plan to make up all of the numbers.